Near-Death Experience

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00
   

   Dr. Rhodes

   I'm Dr. Rhodes, and this is Dr. Christensen. Now, we know you've been through a lot this past week, and we appreciate you being here.

2. 00:08
   

   Dr. Christiansen

   Yes, the fact that you three were all technically dead for 55 minutes makes your near-death experience of great interest to the scientific community.

3. 00:14
   

   Sharon

   This is nuts, man. I mean, we were just gal pals on a road trip who took a wrong turn into a lake, and, like, now we're medical miracles.

4. 00:23
   

   Dr. Rhodes

   Indeed. Now, after your car became submerged and you lost consciousness, What was your first lucid memory?

5. 00:30
   

   Sharon

   My soul was gently lifted out of my body by, like, a beautiful, glowing being, and it said, "'I am your guardian angel. You are safe with me.'" And then we just floated up out of the car into the sky.

6. 00:44
   

   Woman

   Same here. My angel said, "'Take my hand, dear child.'" We floated up pretty high, but I wasn't scared. I felt, like, infused with this warm, loving energy.

7. 00:54
   

   Dr. Christiansen

   And you, Ms. Rafferty?

8. 00:56
   

   Colleen Rafferty

   Uh, yeah, similar concept, different execution. My angel said, "'I'm Keith. Hold on.'" And then he violently yanked my soul up out of my body by the waistband of my sweatpants.

9. 01:11

   And did you also feel a loving energy?

10. 01:15
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    Uh, no. No. What I mostly felt was the pinching of an epic lady wedge. Because I was being frickin' airlifted by the crotch of my sweatpants. and it was jacked up into my coot-coot.

11. 01:30
    

    Dr. Christiansen

    I see. And this all occurred while you were floating?

12. 01:34
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    Yeah, I wouldn't call it a float. Uh, Keith would ratchet us into the air in quick five-foot spurts, followed by sudden stops. I don't think I was rolling with the employee of the month.

13. 01:48
    

    Dr. Christiansen

    I see. Now, after you left your bodies, what happened next?

14. 01:52
    

    Sharon

    Um, I was in a tunnel, and at the end was a bright glow, like, beckoning me forward. I drifted to the light with my angel. I don't know. It felt like I was going, like, home.

15. 02:04
    

    Woman

    Yeah, I mean, it sounds corny, but the closer I got to the light, the more my heart filled with love.

16. 02:11
    

    Colleen Rafferty ?

    What? These two Cinderellas are going to the ball. We were cut to my tunnel, which is a six-mile-long steep slope that Keith made me run down in flip-flops. And now, mind you, my sweats were so stretched out, they kept falling off, so I just had to kick them off. And now I'm full Donald Duck in it. And I'm hoping down a 45-degree decline with my Fun Bun and Mud Gun hanging out in plain view.

17. 02:43
    

    Dr. Christiansen

    Now, what occurred when you all reached the end of this tunnel?

18. 02:46
    

    Sharon

    In the light, I saw my mama. She said, "'I'm always with you, baby.'" I hugged her and just never wanted to let go.

19. 02:54
    

    Woman

    I saw my granddaddy. He took my hand. He didn't say anything. He just smiled and happy cried. Words can't describe how amazing it was.

20. 03:04
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    Well... Again, I stray from the pack here, so, um... I get into my light, and out come thousands of dogs. All sizes, all breeds, just dogs. just running around playing and yapping and nipping at each other. And I'm sporting no pants, so I'm fighting off a gaggle of cold snouts, trying to sniff my drainer and my stainer. Look, at least somebody's interested, right?

21. 03:38
    

    Dr. Rhodes

    And now, do dogs have a special significance in your life?

22. 03:43
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    No, no, no. No. I just I think Keith botched it sent me to dog heaven By this point it was pretty clear Keith was learning on the job

23. 03:55
    

    Dr. Rhodes

    Do any of you remember the moment that you essentially came back to life?

24. 04:00
    

    Woman

    Yeah, my angel said to me it is not your time and then cradled me like a baby Took me back down and gently placed my soul back into my body.

25. 04:09
    

    Sharon ?

    Yeah. Yeah, it felt like being tucked in the bed by your mama

26. 04:13
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    Okay, now I am actually a little ticked off. It's, uh, my angel jammed my soul into my body like it was shoving a carry-on into a crowded overhead bin. I was like, Keith, Bud, maybe come up with a different game plan here. And he was like, no, no, I can make it fit. And then he was using his elbows and jamming on my soul.

27. 04:35
    

    Dr. Christiansen

    Now, why do you think it was so difficult?

28. 04:38
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    All right, well, my theory is this. Keith accidentally grabbed one of the dead bodies and stuffed it into my body, because I'm pretty sure the soul of a Scottish terrier has set up shop in my right knocker.

29. 04:50
    

    Dr. Rhodes ?

    What is it that makes you think that?

30. 04:54
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    Well, whenever the doorbell rings, my knocker goes crazy. It's like, I'm s-I-Pardon me, Sharon. I got to... It's like this. Bark! Bark!

31. 05:07
    

    Sharon

    Well, Well, now, why didn't you just demonstrate on yourself?

32. 05:11
    

    Colleen Rafferty ?

    I didn't want to wake him up.

33. 05:14
    

    Dr. Rhodes

    Well, this is all very fascinating. Now, if you'll follow me, we'd like to do some light brain mapping.

34. 05:19
    

    Colleen Rafferty

    All right, let's just make it quick, because I think someone's up now. Sit. Sit!