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Cut for Time: Christmas at Nana's

Saturday Night Live2015Season 41
Saturday Night LiveSNL
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Banished to a spare bedroom at their grandmother's house, two bickering siblings must make peace before their mother will let anyone open Christmas presents.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

On Christmas at Nana's house, a fed-up mother marches her squabbling son and daughter into an upstairs bedroom and tells them nobody opens presents until they get along, since this could be their frail grandmother's final holiday. Left alone, the siblings trade escalating playground threats about drop kicks, imaginary spikes and custom armor, needle each other about his height and stall through a challenge to name a single famous inventor. When Mom storms back with an even blunter ultimatum, the pair suddenly bond over a revenge fantasy in which their toys come to life to defeat her, and they grudgingly admit they like each other. Their truce comes too late: Mom returns with the news that Nana's head has come off during the argument, and the chastened kids apologize before the family heads downstairs for presents.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

I'm not looking at you, geek of the week.

Nana is about two coughs away from becoming a ghost.

Turns out when you're 109, your bones are pretty much just dust.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Cut for time from the December 19, 2015 episode hosted by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler; NBC released it online on December 22, 2015.

ScriptEnglish · 48 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:01

    What are you doing? Leave me alone. No, get off me.

  2. 00:04

    Sister

    He started it.

  3. 00:04

    Mom

    Get in here right now.

  4. 00:07

    Mom

    Unbelievable.

  5. 00:08

    Mom

    You two have been fighting since we got here. Listen, if you want to open your presents downstairs, you will get it together, because this may very well be your last Christmas with your Nana, because she's dying. She's dying fast.

  6. 00:29

    What? What? What? What? What? What?

  7. 00:33

    Brother

    Stop looking at me.

  8. 00:34

    Sister

    I'm not looking at you, geek of the week.

  9. 00:36

    Brother

    I'm not the geek of the week.

  10. 00:38

    Brother

    That's not even a thing if you keep talking like that I'm gonna drop kick you into oblivion land on about 15 different spikes.

  11. 00:47

    Sister

    Wait, would there's were there spikes down there?

  12. 00:49

    Brother

    I think I saw some spikes. I was like 15 of them.

  13. 00:52

    Mom

    Oh I can hear everything you're saying.

  14. 00:54

    Brother

    I didn't say anything.

  15. 00:55

    Sister

    Yes, you did and news flashes. No wait Drop kick me because I have a special armor that they made and the only way you pay for his gold And you'd be like, as soon as you saw it, hey, let me give you the armor. I'd be like, no, the armor doesn't come in sizes for short stacks like you.

  16. 01:09

    Brother

    That's not true! Just because I'm small for my age doesn't mean that you're better than me. In case you didn't know, some of the greatest inventors of the world were small. But guess what? Their ideas were actually very, very big.

  17. 01:21

    Sister

    Do you think I'm stupid enough to not know that inventors come in all shapes and sizes? Do you even know an inventor?

  18. 01:26

    Brother

    Yes.

  19. 01:27

    Sister

    Then name one.

  20. 01:28

    Brother

    I'm going to.

  21. 01:29

    Sister

    Then do it.

  22. 01:30

    Brother

    I'm about to.

  23. 01:31

    Sister

    Then say it.

  24. 01:32

    Brother

    Fine. Adam.

  25. 01:33

    Sister

    Fine. That's one.

  26. 01:35

    Brother

    And Brandon.

  27. 01:37

    Sister

    Okay, that was too easy.

  28. 01:39

    Mom

    All right, you listen up. Nana is about two coughs away from becoming a ghost, and I'm staring at some fat-ass presents with my name on it down there about ready to explode. But I'm not gonna find out what's in them because you two are too busy up here ruining Christmas. You figure it out now.

  29. 01:57

    Sister

    She can't talk to us like that.

  30. 01:59

    Brother

    I know she can't. She thinks, like, she's, like, the master and were like her little toys. Well, guess what, Mom, the toys have come to life, and this time all of them are coming together to form a slaughter army.

  31. 02:10

    Sister

    Yeah, and the army's been trained by scientists to eliminate the most boring mom in the history of the world.

  32. 02:15

    I know. I know, too.

  33. 02:18

    Brother

    I like what you said about the scientists training the army.

  34. 02:22

    Sister

    Thank you, I thought you said it was very creative, too.

  35. 02:24

    Okay.

  36. 02:26

    Brother

    I guess you're kind of a cool sister.

  37. 02:32

    What? What?

  38. 02:32

    Brother

    I didn't say anything.

  39. 02:34

    Sister

    Yes, you did. You think I'm kind of cool? I didn't know that. Absolutely nothing in the world I would have wanted more for Christmas.

  40. 02:41

    Okay.

  41. 02:44

    Brother

    Merry Christmas.

  42. 02:45

    Fine.

  43. 02:46

    Sister

    Merry Christmas to you and yours too.

  44. 02:50

    Mom

    Well, I hope... Well, I hope you're happy because while you two were up here being little pieces of crap, your Nana's head fell off. Turns out when you're 109, your bones are pretty much just dust. So what do you have to say for yourselves?

  45. 03:04

    We're sorry. We're sorry. I agree. And we miss Nana very much.

  46. 03:07

    Mom

    Thank you.

  47. 03:09

    Mom

    Let's open presents.

  48. 03:11

    Yeah!

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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