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Ebola Press Conference
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Framed as a C-SPAN broadcast, the cold open finds President Obama acknowledging that a doctor in New York has just been diagnosed with Ebola. He concedes a few early missteps, then argues that next to ISIS, the Secret Service lapses, the IRS and NSA scandals and the broken Obamacare website, the Ebola response may count as one of his second term's best achievements. He hands the podium to newly appointed Ebola czar Ron Klain, who admits to the press corps that he has no medical training and offers his years as Joe Biden's chief of staff as his only experience with a gaffe-based illness. Asked why there is no travel ban on flights from West Africa, he waves away a reporter's comparison of flu and Ebola death rates and promises statistics later. Questioned about the coming midterm elections, he issues 'safety tips' warning voters in Southern states to stay away from crowded places such as polling booths, while assuring Latinos in red states that they are immune. Explaining that New York's mayor and governor declined to stand next to the President, he brings out Al Sharpton as the only New York Democrat willing to, and Sharpton garbles Klain's title, claims his mustache filters out every germ, tells New Yorkers the whole city was contaminated already, and signs off with hygiene advice before opening the show.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 8
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
If you look at all the stuff that's happened my second term, this whole Ebola thing is probably one of my greatest accomplishments.
I'm immune to all infectious diseases, as even the tiniest particles cannot get past this mustache.
Brush your teeth with Purell.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The sketch aired on October 25, 2014, a week after President Obama named Ron Klain the White House Ebola response coordinator and two days after a New York doctor was diagnosed with Ebola.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Announcer
Next on C-SPAN, earlier today, President Obama introduced Ebola czar Ron Klain, who took questions on the latest developments in the Ebola crisis.
- 00:10
Barack Obama
Well, Well, thank you all for coming. As you know, just two days ago, another American, this time a doctor in New York, was diagnosed with Ebola. Now, some people want to criticize the way our administration has handled this crisis. And it's true, we made a few mistakes early on. But I assure you, it was nowhere near as bad as how we handled the ISIS situation. I mean, our various Secret Service mishaps, or the scandals of the IRS and the NSA. And I don't know if you guys remember, but the Obamacare website had some pretty serious problems, too. In fact, if you look at all the stuff that's happened my second term, this whole Ebola thing is probably one of my greatest accomplishments. now I'd like to introduce the man who will be managing this crisis moving forward new Ebola czar mr. Ron Klain
- 01:14
Ron Klain
thank you mr. president thank you thank you members of the press I'm really more of a behind-the-scenes guy but I am excited to take your questions yes
- 01:25
Reporter
mr. Klain you have no actual medical training or background in dealing with infectious disease is that correct
- 01:32
Ron Klain
yes Yes, yes, that is true. I am not a doctor, but to be fair, I did serve as chief of staff to Vice President Joe Biden, so I do have some experience with a little something called foot-in-mouth disease.
- 01:47
Reporter
It seems like that's a joke disease. Just to confirm, no experience with actual medical diseases?
- 01:54
Ron Klain
No. Next question.
- 01:56
Reporter
A lot of Americans still don't understand why we haven't issued a travel ban on flights from West Africa.
- 02:02
Ron Klain
Okay, uh, at this point, a travel ban on countries with Ebola would be an overreaction. If anything, we should be more afraid of the flu. It kills many more people every year.
- 02:12
Reporter
But .01% of people with the flu die from it. And with Ebola, it's 50%.
- 02:18
Ron Klain
Yes, yes, well, we could all go throwing statistics around.
- 02:23
Reporter ?
Such as?
- 02:28
Ron Klain
I don't have any, uh, with me at the moment, but, uh, if you just give me some time, everything will be 100% cool as hell.
- 02:39
Reporter
Mr. Klain, some have speculated you were brought in mainly to handle this from a political perspective. Even the midterm elections are in two weeks. Any comment on that?
- 02:49
Ron Klain
Yeah, right now, I am not worried about winning elections. However, there are a few safety tips that people should know heading towards Election Day. For example, the Ebola virus actually flourishes in warmer clients, uh, climates excuse me, so if you live in a southern state such as Louisiana, Arkansas, or Kentucky, you actually may want to avoid any large public spaces like say a polling booth. one One exception however is that we believe Latinos in red states may actually have an immunity to Ebola so they're good to go. And now finally we we wanted someone from New York to talk directly to you. So we asked Mayor de Blasio and Governor Cuomo, but it turns out there was only one New York Democrat willing to be seen with President Obama today.
- 03:45
Al Sharpton
Hey, hey, hey. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, sure. To save the day, thank you, Ron Klain, Ebola Caesar. okay first off yes Ebola is in New York but don't worry about me I'm immune to all infectious diseases as even the tiniest particles cannot get past this mustache and all you other New Yorkers shouldn't worry either people should go about their daily lives and so should New York's pigeons rats and sewer were monsters cuz if you're worried that some parts of New York are contaminated you're wrong all of New York is contaminated all the time I I once got the clap by wearing short shorts through the Port Authority snap so in summation be safe brush your teeth with Purell live from New York, it's Saturday Night Live!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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