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Wilderness Lodge
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
The Johnsons arrive at the Wilderness Lodge, trail bikes in mind, and mention they plan to ride up to Yeti Point. The eye-patched clerk is aghast and explains, with great confidence, how the place got its name. He calls in Rodger, a wild-haired local who relates in painfully euphemistic detail what happened to him at his own cabin one quiet evening. The Johnsons find the story far too specific to believe, collect their key, and spend the wait chatting about the lodge's glowing online reviews and how foolish it would be to expect a continental breakfast in the wilderness. Writing the whole thing off as local eccentricity, they cheerfully plan a wine-and-anniversary trip up the trail, while a furry white figure waits outside the window.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Everybody thinks they're so dumb, but they're geniuses.
This all seems way too specific to be true.
What idiot expects a continental breakfast out here in the wilderness?
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Aired in the October 20, 2012 episode hosted by Bruno Mars, who plays the lodge clerk.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Clerk
Oh, welcome to the Wilderness Lodge.
- 00:06
Mr. Johnson
Hi, we're the Johnsons. Yeah, we're here to check in.
- 00:08
Clerk
The Johnsons. Yes, I believe your cabin is ready.
- 00:12
Mrs. Johnson
Oh, great. Hey, is it possible to rent trail bikes around here?
- 00:15
Mr. Johnson
Yeah, we're hoping to bike all the way up to Yeti Point.
- 00:22
Mr. Johnson
Is something wrong?
- 00:24
Clerk
Did you say Yeti Point?
- 00:27
Mr. Johnson
Yeah, yeah, we hear it's beautiful up there.
- 00:29
Clerk
Yeti Point?
- 00:30
Mr. Johnson
Yeah, Yeti Point.
- 00:32
Clerk
Do you have any... Do you have any idea why it's called Yeti Point?
- 00:40
Mr. Johnson
Oh, boy. Let me guess, because there are Yetis up there?
- 00:45
Clerk
Yes. Oh. And they point at you right before they attack. So it's rude and it's horrible.
- 00:51
Mr. Johnson
Okay, come on, man. We've heard nothing but good things about Yeti Point. all right?
- 00:59
Clerk
It's all lies, probably started by the Yetis themselves. Everybody thinks they're so dumb, but they're geniuses. You don't believe me? I can bring Roger out here right now. He saw one of them. He hasn't been the same ever since.
- 01:11
Clerk
Roger! Get out of here! Tell these people Tell these people what you saw, Roger. Well, this morning I looked across my condo yard and I saw a man and a woman on an air mattress trying to make a little baby.
- 01:29
Clerk
Not that!
- 01:30
Mr. Johnson
What are you talking about?
- 01:32
Clerk
Not that. The other thing.
- 01:34
Rodger
About the Yetis. Yes, Oh yes, the Yetis. I have a little cabin by Yeti Point. I used to go there when I wanted a place of quiet reflection and solitude. I just poured myself a glass of wine and put on a little Phoebe snow when suddenly I had the feeling I was being watched. I froze. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I could see a small amount of monkey business going on in the shrubs near the porch. I just told myself it was the wind.
- 02:09
Clerk
Roger was sexually violated by a Yeti.
- 02:15
Rodger
I was. Because I was repeatedly beefed in the A by a Yeti.
- 02:22
Mrs. Johnson
Okay. Take it easy.
- 02:25
Mr. Johnson
No, no, no, hold on, hold on a second here. Wait, you're just going to tell us you were molested by a Yeti, then leave?
- 02:30
Clerk
It's a difficult memory for Roger. He's still tortured by it.
- 02:34
Rodger
Well, only a tiny bit. Lucky for me, my whole body shut down and I passed out. When I woke up, I was naked from the waist down, and my slacks had been folded neatly beside me. A white winter rose had been placed in my left hand.
- 02:50
Clerk
Okay. Take it easy.
- 02:53
Mr. Johnson
No, no, no, no. Hold on. I'm sorry. This all seems way too specific to be true.
- 02:57
Clerk
All right, all right. Here's your room key. Don't say I didn't warn you about Yeti Point.
- 03:06
Mr. Johnson
Yeah, okay. Thank you. All right. All right.
- 03:09
Mr. Johnson
Who did you book these tickets to?
- 03:10
Mrs. Johnson
Hey, Expedia. I don't know. This lodge, it got five stars.
- 03:13
Mr. Johnson
Really?
- 03:14
Mrs. Johnson
Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Uh, I don't know. Okay, um, let me see what we got going on. What?
- 03:20
Clerk
Right back, just gonna clean up your room. Oh. Take it easy while we clean your room.
- 03:24
Mr. Johnson
Okay. We'll just stay here, I guess. All right.
- 03:26
Mr. Johnson
Now, did you read the reviews?
- 03:27
Mrs. Johnson
Yeah, I skimmed them. They were
- 03:28
Mr. Johnson
mostly great. Mostly?
- 03:30
Mrs. Johnson
Yeah, there were one or two complaints about, you know, there not being a continental breakfast or whatever, but... Yeah.
- 03:35
Mr. Johnson
What idiot expects a continental breakfast out here in the wilderness? Out here in the wilderness. Yeah, I know. Exactly. That's kind of my, yeah. I don't get that.
- 03:42
Mr. Johnson
Did you yelp it as well?
- 03:43
Mrs. Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's a lot of good yelp on it, so...
- 03:49
Mr. Johnson
It's crazy. Well, you know what it is? Yeah.
- 03:51
Mr. Johnson
I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, but these guys are probably just some local eccentrics, you know? So I say, when the room's clean, we go up there and we pop a bottle of wine, huh?
- 04:00
Mrs. Johnson
Oh, that sounds wonderful. Yeah? Yeah.
- 04:03
Mr. Johnson
Let's do it. Okay.
- 04:04
Mr. Johnson
Hey, happy anniversary.
- 04:05
Mrs. Johnson
Aw, you too, baby. Oh.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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