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Colonial Williamsburg
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Gary, an enthusiastic interpreter at Colonial Williamsburg, is pulled aside by his manager Mr. Morrison, who praises his passion before listing complaints from coworkers. Gary says he is only treating colleagues the way his character would have in colonial times, so he addresses an offended coworker with a slur that is not her name and sends offensive emails from the corporate office. Mr. Morrison points out that none of this is historically accurate or acceptable, and Gary compares him to a former boss. Mr. Morrison finally asks him to hand over his tricorn hat, a costumed town crier announces the firing and warns of a parking-lot ambush, and Gary gets in a last petty complaint about someone's knee socks.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I've always longed to harken back to an earlier time.
You're starting to sound a lot like my boss at Best Buy.
Those knee socks are inaccurate.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Part of the October 21, 2006 episode (S32E3) hosted by John C. Reilly with musical guest My Chemical Romance.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:05
Gary
Ah, there we are. Now, the early settlers used wood for a number of purposes. Building, heat, cooking, games of chance. Sorry, folks.
- 00:16
Mr. Morrison
Hey, Gary, can I talk to you for a sec?
- 00:17
Gary
Oh, hey, Mr. Morrison.
- 00:20
Gary
Quite many pardons, travelers. Please, travel our byways. Maybe get a churro or something.
- 00:32
Gary
Can I offer you half a Johnny cake, Mr. Morrison?
- 00:35
Mr. Morrison
Uh, no thanks, Gary. Uh, now, you've worked here at Colonial Williamsburg for, what, three weeks now?
- 00:42
Gary
Ah, fortnight in the hay fortnight, yes.
- 00:45
Mr. Morrison
Right, yeah. Uh, well, I just want to start off by saying that we love your enthusiasm for the job. It's clear you have a real passion for history.
- 00:53
Gary
Well, as I told you when I first started here, I've always longed to harken back to an earlier time.
- 01:00
Mr. Morrison
Yeah, you know, once again, I'm impressed both with that sentiment and with your use of the word harken which you really came within a stone's throw of using correctly once the thing is since you started here Gary a number of people have come to me with some complaints about you
- 01:16
Gary
well they should file them at Town Hall like the rest of us
- 01:19
Mr. Morrison
right you're of course referring to the building with the Town Hall sign which is actually the gift shop
- 01:26
Gary
oh I get it sort of like how the old ye olde apothecary is really the bathrooms
- 01:30
Mr. Morrison
no no No, I actually wanted to talk to you about that, too. But back to my original point. You know, it's no secret that you've had some problems with some of the other employees, or, more accurately, it's one particular group that's had a problem with you. Gary, would you care to guess which one that is?
- 01:51
Gary
Those dastardly British?
- 01:53
Mr. Morrison
Mm-hmm. No, no, we don't have any British employees. Why don't you guess again?
- 01:58
Gary
I hope you're not going to tell me it's the slaves.
- 02:03
Mr. Morrison
There's no slaves here, Gary. All right? There's no slaves. There are, however, some very unhappy African-American employees.
- 02:11
Gary
I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Morrison. Ugh, this Johnny cake is so dry. Mammy! Fetch me some water from the well!
- 02:19
Denise
No, that's... I've told. As I've told you before, my name is Denise, not Mammy. Mr. Morrison, this is completely offensive. offensive, can you please talk to him while I go get ready for Aunt Bessie's honky-tonk jamboree?
- 02:39
Mr. Morrison
Of course, Denise.
- 02:41
Gary
Mr. Morrison, I don't understand. She's playing a slave. I'm just treating her the way my character would have treated her in colonial times.
- 02:50
Mr. Morrison
Okay, okay. Well, she's not the only one, though, Gary. Lamar Paulson, for example, is very upset.
- 02:55
Gary
Well, again, I'm just treating him as his character. You know I always try to be as historically accurate as possible while within these grounds.
- 03:02
Mr. Morrison
Okay, but Lamar works in the corporate office, which is about 30 miles away from the grounds. And for someone who's trying to be historically accurate, you've sent a whole lot of offensive e-mails.
- 03:15
Gary
Well, you know, I do have to take some historical liberties just to live my life.
- 03:20
Mr. Morrison
Yeah, well, you've also been extremely offensive towards our many Asian-American tour groups, which, aside from being horribly inappropriate, has absolutely no historical basis because there weren't any asian people around in colonial times
- 03:31
Gary
well as always i tried to put myself in the mind of a colonial person and i truly believe that had they been given the opportunity they would have hated asian people too
- 03:41
Mr. Morrison
that's my favorite part about this place using your imagination i guess what i'm trying to say gary is that i think your racist behavior has nothing to do with where you work
- 03:51
Gary
wow mr morrison i'm gonna be honest with you you're You're starting to sound a lot like my boss at Best Buy.
- 04:01
Mr. Morrison
Gary, I'm gonna have to ask you to hang up your tri-cornered hat.
- 04:07
Darnell
Hear ye, hear ye, hear! Racist cracker gets his ass fired at Williamsburg. Soon to get jumped in the parking lot.
- 04:23
Mr. Morrison
That's enough, Darnell. That's enough.
- 04:25
Darnell
Okay, okay.
- 04:28
Gary
Those knee socks are inaccurate.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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