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The Full Moon Killer
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
In an office break room, Glenn and Theresa tell their coworker Allen that, according to the newspaper, the serial killer known as the Full Moon Killer let last night's full moon pass without a murder. Allen, who seems to know an awful lot about the killer, insists the full moon is really tomorrow, objects to anyone calling the murderer a pervert, and keeps letting slip that he serves a 'master' and takes orders from his refrigerator. When Steve arrives mocking the 'moon weirdo' for forgetting, Allen blames a colleague's maternity leave for burying the killer in extra work, until the others burst out laughing: the paper is the sports section, the story was invented, and they have known Allen is the killer ever since he left his manifesto on his desk. Embarrassed to discover he is the kind of killer who secretly wants to be caught, Allen learns the prank was mostly Glenn's idea and vows that Glenn will be his next victim, which a closing caption confirms.
The funny people
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Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Yes, circles as perfect and round as the moon itself.
It's the glorious will of my master. I mean his master, not my master.
Boy, when his refrigerator hears about this.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Steve Higgins provides the closing announcer voice-over, according to SNL Archives.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:04
Allen
Ah, good morning, Theresa. Good morning, Glenn.
- 00:07
Good morning, Alan.
- 00:08
Glenn ?
Say, Alan, you know about that serial killer the papers are calling the Full Moon Killer?
- 00:11
Allen
I know of him. I know he takes his victims each month on the full moon. I know he's a brilliant psychopath who has struck fear into the heart of the city. I know he has those bumbling police running in circles. Yes, circles as perfect and round as the moon itself.
- 00:27
Theresa ?
Well, then you must have heard the good news, then.
- 00:29
Allen
Good news. Can't be that they caught him, as I think I would know if the full moon killer was finished with his bloody but delicate work. At any rate, we'll soon know as this month's full moon fast approaches.
- 00:42
Glenn ?
Well, that's just the thing. This month's full moon was last night, and he didn't kill anyone.
- 00:48
Allen
What's that now?
- 00:49
Theresa ?
Yeah, last night the full moon came and went, and there was no murder.
- 00:53
Allen
No, that's not possible. I happen to follow astronomy, and the full moon is tomorrow. Tomorrow.
- 00:58
Glenn ?
For the first time in a year, the full moon came and went without a victim.
- 01:02
Allen
This is inconceivable.
- 01:04
Theresa ?
Well, it's true. That pervert may finally be done with his killing spree.
- 01:08
Allen
First of all, I doubt he's a pervert. He's probably a refined gentleman. Rake-ish. Devilishly handsome. Cunning. Cunning is the wind. Second of all, it's not a killing spree. It's the glorious will of my master. I mean his master, not my master. And third, the full moon is tomorrow night, tomorrow!
- 01:29
Theresa ?
Wow, you're really invested in what night the full moon is, Alan.
- 01:33
Allen
Uh, no, no, no, I'm not. It's just, from what I've read about the full moon killer, who, by the way, would prefer to be called Lunarius Disciple Vorp, he's a pretty together guy, and if his refrigerator tells him to kill someone every full moon until his mommy comes back to life, well, by Jove, he's gonna do it.
- 01:49
Steve ?
Hey, did you guys hear about how that moon weirdo forgot to kill anyone this month?
- 01:52
Yeah, what a jerk.
- 01:53
Allen
You know what? Maybe the jerk is Janus from accounting who went on maternity leave, dumped all her work on the full moon killer's lap. I mean, he didn't even have time to think straight, let alone kill anybody. Boy, when his refrigerator hears about this. What's so funny? Don't you laugh at me. Don't you laugh at me!
- 02:12
Alan, we're messing with you. The full moon's not until tomorrow.
- 02:18
Glenn ?
Dude, this is the sports section. I was totally BSing you.
- 02:22
Allen
Wait a minute. Does that mean you guys know that you're the full moon killer?
- 02:26
Oh, sorry, Lunarius.
- 02:28
Steve ?
We had an idea. I mean, you left your manifesto on your desk the other week. By the way, sex zombie ends i.e. not one.
- 02:35
Allen
Oh, man! You read that? That's private, Steve. I mean, I am so embarrassed. I'm so one of those guys who wants to get caught. I never thought I would be, but I am.
- 02:45
You totally are. You totally, totally are.
- 02:47
Allen
I can't believe this. Not funny, you guys. Not funny, Glenn!
- 02:52
Aw, man, the look on your face was classic.
- 02:54
Uh, there's just no way that he would forget to, uh, kill someone.
- 02:57
Allen
I am never gonna hear the end of this, you pranksters.
- 03:00
Well, to be fair, it was mostly Glenn's idea.
- 03:03
Allen
Well, then the joke's on him, because he's gonna be my next victim!
- 03:10
And he was.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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