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Phone Booth
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a parody of the thriller Phone Booth, Walter picks up a ringing street phone hoping he has won something, only for a menacing caller to reveal a rifle trained on him and prove it by shooting a passer-by. With police officers surrounding the booth and urging him out, the caller keeps him inside and orders a series of degrading confessions: his cartoon footie pajamas, an insult to the officer pointing a gun at him, and an unflattering hand gesture about his anatomy, each one escalating when Walter tries to soften it. The caller finally lets him go and Walter tries to explain himself to the police, but when the phone rings again he cannot resist answering.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
It's not a camera, it's the scope of a high-powered rifle pointed straight at your head.
I only picked up this phone thinking I had won a contest. This seems like the exact opposite.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Parodies the 2003 thriller Phone Booth, which had opened in theaters the week before this April 12, 2003 episode hosted by Ray Romano. Darrell Hammond voiced the unseen caller.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:16
Walter
Hello?
- 00:17
Hello, Walter.
- 00:20
Walter
Hey, who's this?
- 00:22
Love the outfit. I see you enjoy the untucked, buttoned-down shirt look.
- 00:28
Walter
Whoa, whoa, what is... What, is there a camera on me, huh? Is this one of those hidden camera shows, huh? I love those shows. Where's the camera?
- 00:37
Walter, don't be a douchebag.
- 00:42
Walter
Wow, douchebag. What, are we on Fox? where is it where's the camera
- 00:48
it's not a camera it's the scope of a high-powered rifle pointed straight at your head
- 00:54
Walter
that's not funny that's not funny have fun with your show
- 01:00
don't hang up Walter
- 01:03
Walter
no I'm hanging up
- 01:05
hey Walter see that fat guy eating a hot dog over there
- 01:09
Walter
yeah you killed you're crazy
- 01:20
relax walter look at the size of him he's probably bleeding gravy
- 01:24
Walter
that is me that's so mean to the fat guy
- 01:29
Police Captain
all right sir step out of the phone booth sir
- 01:33
don't step out of the phone booth walter
- 01:36
Police Captain
why'd you kill the fat guy
- 01:38
Walter
i didn't i didn't kill a fat guy
- 01:42
Police Captain
step out of the booth
- 01:44
walter Walter, you leave that phone booth and you die.
- 01:47
Walter
What? I don't understand. What's going on here?
- 01:50
I know everything about you, Walter.
- 01:53
Walter
What do you want?
- 01:55
I want you to step out of the booth and tell everyone what you wear to bed. Tell them or I'll kill you.
- 02:03
Walter
Wait, all right. I wear footsie pajamas to bed.
- 02:09
Walter.
- 02:11
Walter
SpongeBob footsie pajamas. my feet get cold
- 02:16
Police Captain
that's all right buddy i myself sleep butt naked but spongebob is a hilarious cartoon now come out of the booth
- 02:26
Walter
look can i go now
- 02:28
not yet walter i want you to point to that cop and tell him that you hate black people
- 02:35
Walter
what no i can't say that
- 02:38
i'll kill you
- 02:40
Walter
oh that's right damn it I only picked up this phone thinking I had won a contest this seems like the exact opposite
- 02:49
say say I hate black people say it
- 02:53
Walter
okay okay I hate
- 02:55
Police Captain
come on buddy put the phone down and step out of the booth sir
- 03:00
I'm going to to shoot you.
- 03:03
Walter
Okay, I'm going to say it. I hate black people. Okay, I did it. I did it.
- 03:17
Walter, say it with the right inflection.
- 03:22
Walter
That's just my manner of speaking. You know, I can't help that.
- 03:24
Walter, you've got three seconds, three, two.
- 03:28
Walter
I hate black people.
- 03:30
Police Captain
Would you say bitch?
- 03:34
Walter
The man on the phone.
- 03:35
Shut up, Walter.
- 03:36
Walter
Look, what do you want from me?
- 03:39
One more thing. I want you to hold up your fingers and indicate to the entire world what a small penis you have.
- 03:49
Walter
Is this Phil?
- 03:52
Just do it.
- 03:56
Walter
Okay. Hey, everybody, uh, this is the size...
- 04:05
Walter.
- 04:13
Walter
This...
- 04:13
Don't lie.
- 04:18
Walter
This...
- 04:19
Walter.
- 04:19
Walter
Oh, come on!
- 04:21
Would you rather take it out and show it to them?
- 04:24
Walter
This is the size of my penis!
- 04:27
Police Captain
That's why you hate us.
- 04:35
Back-up Cop ?
It's just sad.
- 04:37
Walter
It's the width! I mean the width!
- 04:39
Nobody believes you, Walter. Now step out of the booth.
- 04:45
Walter
Why did you do this? Why did you do this to me?
- 04:47
I was just having a little fun with you. You can go.
- 04:50
Walter
All right, then. I'm gonna hang up now.
- 04:53
Yes, Walder, you've just saved your life for now.
- 04:57
Walter
Goodbye. Look, I-I don't hate black people.
- 05:03
Police Captain
I know. Come on. Nice and easy.
- 05:04
Walter
And then, you know, the thing with my penis...
- 05:06
Police Captain
Yeah, we'll talk about that later.
- 05:11
Walter
Hello?
- 05:12
What is wrong with you, Walder?
- 05:13
Walter
Damn it! This time it had to be a contest!
- 05:19
Okay, we're going to start with pulling down your pants.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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