Rita Delvecchio's Thanksgiving

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:04
   

   Rita DelVecchio

   Happy Thanksgiving! Hi Bella! Oh yeah, Yeah, you're kidding. I got a house full in there. Some are watching the game. Some are planning their next crime. Don't listen, Val. I'm there. Uncle Joe would like another beer. In the fridge, baby. In the fridge. How's your turkey? How many pounds did you get? Yeah? How long did it take? Okay, that's it! Hold on! No more kids getting beers for adults! Okay? My Okay? Any kid who can't walk a straight line by dinner gets my foot for dessert. Oh, now mother's down in the basement. I don't know what the hell she's doing down there. Hey, listen. What's the update on Frank Sinatra's health? What do you hear? You're kidding! Hold on one second. All Everybody, Frank, sign up. Yeah. right, baby, I got to go. Okay. Talk to you later. Bye-bye. What Mom, what the hell are are you doing down there? Don't carry that yourself! What are you, crazy?

2. 01:06
   

   Mrs. Silvestri ?

   The kids need more pop!

3. 01:07

   Thanks.

4. 01:11
   

   Rita DelVecchio

   What did you say?

5. 01:13
   

   Mrs. Silvestri

   The kids need more pop!

6. 01:14
   

   Rita DelVecchio

   The kids are smashed, Ma.

7. 01:16
   

   Mrs. Silvestri

   No, they're not. They're just happy.

8. 01:18
   

   Rita DelVecchio ?

   Just sit down.

9. 01:19
   

   Mrs. Silvestri

   All right, all right, I'll... right, all right, I'll finish stuffing the shells. When was the last time you basted the turkey?

10. 01:36
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    Three minutes ago, Ma.

11. 01:39
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    Rita, where'd you get the ricotta cheese to stuff these shells?

12. 01:43
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    I don't know. Tony's.

13. 01:44
    

    Mrs. Silvestri ?

    Tony's. How can you support Tony's store? I know, I know, when he spends all his money buying high-class jewelry for his girlfriends. His poor wife's walking around in a rabbit fur poncho.

14. 01:55
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    It don't affect the cheese, Ma.

15. 01:59
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    It does if you cook with love like I taught you.

16. 02:02
    

    Mrs. Silvestri ?

    There's love in there. Keep eating. Keep eating.

17. 02:04

    Speaker 1

    Aunt Rita, we're starving!

18. 02:07
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    Yeah, so are Sally Struthers' kids. Now go upstairs. It's finish watching the sound of music upstairs and stay away from grandma's mustache cream it's poison.

19. 02:16
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    It won't hurt them. Let them have fun.

20. 02:19
    

    Rita DelVecchio ?

    Okay, okay.

21. 02:21
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    Martha Stewart says not to stir while you simmer.

22. 02:24
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    Martha Stewart. If I hear Martha Stewart tell me how to cook one more time, I'm gonna shove a Cornish game hen down that waspy bitch's throat.

23. 02:32
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    She's She's bad. I hear she doesn't pay her bills and she's single.

24. 02:39
    

    Rita DelVecchio ?

    There's a surprise.

25. 02:40
    

    Mrs. Silvestri ?

    Yeah, see? There you go.

26. 02:44
    

    Mike

    Hi, Rita. Hi, Mr. Silvestri. Happy Thanksgiving.

27. 02:48
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    Oh, happy Thanksgiving, Mike. Ma, you know Mike the Cop.

28. 02:52
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    Sure, sure. Did you eat?

29. 02:54
    

    Mike

    not yet my wife forgot to thaw the turkey so we won't be eating till after the rose bowl

30. 02:59
    

    Mrs. Silvestri ?

    she's Irish

31. 03:00
    

    Mike

    Oh Rita I hate to bug you about this but you got to get rid of some of those Thanksgiving decorations off your lawn or I'm gonna have to give you a citation

32. 03:10
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    who called who called the complain I knew it was my my neighbor Teresa Castiglione the one with the see-through house coat yeah you want to give her latest hair do a citation that ugly pain in the ass

33. 03:21
    

    Mike

    come on Rita you know it's not me

34. 03:24
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    she knows don't worry baby grab a piece of pepperoni and go in the living room with the guys go ahead

35. 03:29
    

    Mike

    thanks okay sorry rita

36. 03:30
    

    Rita DelVecchio ?

    that's all right

37. 03:31
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    what the what the hell was that what now it Sheesh! Oh, it's the head of my mild standish, Ma! Yeah, yeah, you mothers have no respect for your forefathers, you know that? Guess what? I keep it! It's mine! Wait a second. is mine oh yeah keep running, because the next time I'll kick you in your Plymouth rocks! You heard it, you pill-popping, spook-cooking bastards! They broke my Mayflower! Go get them, Ma! Go get them! Show them what you're made of! Get them off the knees! Get them off the knees, Ma!

38. 04:11
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    Great. I threw my shoe. Now, now I'm out of wedgie!

39. 04:19
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    Come on, thanksgiving it's a day to think about what you got

40. 04:22
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    you're right rita and i'm gonna have a dry turkey on my hands if you don't baste it for crying out loud

41. 04:28
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    ma if i baste it anymore i'll be committing a sin why because i'll be a master BASTER, BASTER, MA!

42. 04:34
    

    Mrs. Silvestri

    Oh, Rita, you're a bitch!

43. 04:36
    

    Rita DelVecchio

    Oh, Ma, you set me up, you bitch! I mean, Ma. I mean, Ma. Ma, Ma!