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Haunted Lincoln Bedroom
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Writing in her diary, First Lady Nancy Reagan decides that the only blot on her happiness is Doria, the woman who married her son Ron. That night she leads Doria by candlelight to the Lincoln Bedroom, nearly setting her guest alight on the way, waves off having called her trash in the newspapers, and leaves her alone in the gloomy room with a bell to ring if she needs anything. The haunting begins almost at once. Doria screams that Abraham Lincoln's ghost has been fiddling with her hair, which Nancy dismisses; a bellboy arrives with a balcony ticket for Ford's Theatre, left for her by a Mr. Booth; and Mary Todd Lincoln's ghost appears in the bed belting out show tunes. Doria packs her suitcase and storms out, and Nancy sees her off with a parting warning about the stairs before dissolving into triumphant laughter.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm First Lady, and every woman in America worships me. Uh, every human in America worships me.
Abraham Lincoln just tried to do my hair!
Ford Theatre. Balcony. Care of Mr. Booth. Enjoy.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Gail Matthius later said that she could not be in two places at once for this sketch, so her sister Jane, who was visiting, put on a Nancy Reagan wig and sat at the desk for the opening diary-writing shot.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:04
Nancy Reagan ?
Dear Diary, everything's going so well. I'm First Lady, and every woman in America worships me. Uh, every human in America worships me. Only one thing mars my happiness, that scheming opportunist that married my Ron Jr. Junior, Doria, Doria, Doria, if only things could be different.
- 00:39
Nancy Reagan ?
My
- 00:49
Nancy Reagan
I wonder what's taking new daughter-in-law's so long. It isn't every night a girl gets to sleep in Lincoln's bedroom.
- 00:56
Doria Reagan ?
Ow! Well, It's pitch black in this hall! Ow!
- 01:01
Nancy Reagan
Oh, I'm sorry, Doria. Take this.
- 01:06
Doria Reagan
Ah! Oh! Oh! I was almost burned!
- 01:10
Nancy Reagan
Oh, thank god you're all right. We could have had a nasty grease fire.
- 01:15
Doria Reagan
It was awfully nice of you to invite me to spend the night, Mrs. Reagan, especially since you referred to me in the papers is that cheap piece of trash
- 01:23
Nancy Reagan
oh you know the press always quoting people i mean misquoting people
- 01:30
Doria Reagan
but i thought you said skip was meeting us here
- 01:34
Nancy Reagan
oh he was just called away an emergency party but he told me to take care of you and that's exactly what i intend to do
- 01:46
Doria Reagan
i don't know it's kind of creepy in here
- 01:49
Nancy Reagan
oh don't worry i'm here if you need me just ring this
- 02:10
Nancy Reagan
Sweet dreams.
- 02:26
Doria Reagan
Somebody help me! Help me! Abraham Lincoln just tried to do my hair!
- 02:33
Nancy Reagan
Doria! Doria! You're imagining things abraham lincoln wouldn't touch your hair
- 02:38
Doria Reagan
oh oh yeah you're right i forgot
- 02:41
Nancy Reagan
of course i'm right
- 02:43
Bellboy
are you doria reagan
- 02:51
Doria Reagan
yeah
- 02:52
Bellboy
i got a ticket for you
- 02:55
Doria Reagan
Thank you.
- 02:55
Bellboy
Ford Theatre. Balcony. Care of Mr. Booth. Enjoy.
- 03:05
Doria Reagan
What is going on here? Oh!
- 03:14
Mary Todd Lincoln ?
Blow over when the wind comes waving down the flood.
- 03:19
Doria Reagan
Ah! Mary Todd Lincoln singing Rogers in Amherstine! I'm getting out of here. Somebody, listen, listen. I'm leaving and don't you try and stop me.
- 03:34
Nancy Reagan
oh and be careful on those stairs someone Barbells all over them!
- 04:09
We'll be right back.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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