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Kebapi

Key & Peele 2014 Season 4 Episode 5

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A couple's first visit to a Macedonian café turns into a crash course in why its kebapi is nothing like the ćevapi across the street.

Watch on YouTube

Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

A young couple wanders into a small Macedonian café, where the effusive owner and his excitable cook steer them straight to the house kebapi. When the boyfriend innocently mentions the Albanian place across the street, the cook erupts and the owner offers a heartfelt apology that quickly curdles into a tirade against the rivals. A long, increasingly hands-on pronunciation lesson follows, then a recipe comparison that reveals both dishes use the same ingredients in a slightly different order, which sends the staff into furious, half-intelligible shouting. The rattled couple escapes across the street, only to be greeted by a near-identical pair of Albanian restaurateurs delivering the same pitch against the Macedonians, and they quietly settle on McDonald's instead.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 6

Highly quotable.

My friends, I'd like to apologize for the behavior of my passion.

I'll make sure to give us the five stars on Yelp!

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

Peter Atencio
Director

ScriptEnglish · 32 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:03
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
Zdravo! Zdravo! Welcome! Welcome. Sit anywhere you like. Sit here. Sit here. This one, sit right here. Sit right here. This one, sit right here. There you are. That's a good lady.
00:13
Male Customer ?
Yes, all right.
00:14
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
First time? First time? First time? First time? First time? First time? First time for you? First time?
00:18
Female Customer ?
Yes.
00:19
Macedonian Waiter ?
All right! then, dobra, dobra, dobra, dobra.
00:23
Male Customer ?
So, So, what's good?
00:25
Macedonian Restaurant Owner
Oh, I tell you right. You have to have kebab. Kebab is what you're going to have, okay?
00:30
Male Customer
Oh, don't they serve that in the cafe across the street?
00:32
Macedonian Waiter
No! You cannot be across the street!
00:39
Male Customer ?
What? What? What did I say?
00:44
Macedonian Waiter ?
Across the street is Albania. This cafe, Macedonia. Macedonia.
00:55
Macedonian Restaurant Owner
My friends... I'd like to apologize for the behavior of my passion. I just feel bad in my brain for people to think that your mouths will have been raped. by the food that they're serving at these Albanian mother bitches. These mother bitches, sons of my bitch, across the street, what they be serving is kebapie.
01:26
Male Customer ?
And what do you serve here?
01:31
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
We serve the kebapie.
01:33
Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie. Kebapie.
01:43
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
No. Look at mouth. Keh. Keh. Buh. Ke...ke...ba...pi. Boppy. Boppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. Now you're getting the... Keboppy. Keboppy. Keboppy. You got it. You finally did it. Perfect.
01:59
Female Customer ?
What is the difference between keboppy and cheboppy?
02:05
But I don't know. No. I have to forgive them, right? It's just in a nicer booth.
02:12
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
For the bastard mother bitches over there that are serving the kebab, put in the grilled meat, salt, chopped red pepper, diced onion, cream, kashmak, aishwarya, then the cottage cheese.
02:35
Male Customer ?
But what do you serve?
02:37
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
We serve the kebab and we put in the cottage cheese, the ashwag, the kashmak, the cream, you know? Then it's the diced onions.
02:48
Male Customer ?
Sounds exactly like...
02:50
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
Pepper, and then the grilled meat. Then the grilled meat. And then we stir it.
02:58
Male Customer ?
And across the street, they do...
03:00
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
Those mother bitches over here! They mix it, they sons of mother! Mother sons of liar!
03:16
Male Customer ?
I don't know what that's supposed to mean.
03:19
Macedonian Waiter ?
Only a girl don't go in a restaurant!
03:21
Macedonian Restaurant Owner ?
Hey! Hey! Shh! We are here. They are there. We are here! and here, and here, and here, Here! Time No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No.
03:37
Albanian Restaurant Owner ?
Good! This is it, my friends! Now, it is for you to try the real good food, not what these son of my bitches serve across the street!
03:52
Male Customer ?
Want a McDonald's?
03:54
Female Customer ?
Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:55
Albanian Restaurant Owner ?
I'll make sure to give us the five stars on Yelp!