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Grown-Ass Man
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Two men settle in for dinner, where small suggestions about food and manners become a fierce argument about independence. One diner rejects every attempt to help him, then alternates between swagger and a mounting tantrum as his companion tries to keep the peace. A final explanation of their family relationship gives the increasingly parental treatment a different meaning.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
You never touch a grown man's face!
You treat me like a baby, but I'm not a baby.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:10
Son
Give me a roll.
- 00:14
Dad
Which one you want?
- 00:17
Son
Give me both of them, man. I decide which one I want when I want to eat it.
- 00:26
Dad
Maybe you want some of these vegetables, too?
- 00:30
Son ?
Nah, nah.
- 00:33
Dad
Just saying, man. The nutrients is good for maintaining energy levels, so.
- 00:40
Son
I know what the fuck a vegetable is, man. Don't tell me what a vegetable is, man. Hey, I'm a grown ass man, all right?
- 00:48
Dad ?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, I'm sorry. This three-bean salad is the bomb, though.
- 00:55
Son
Oh, snap. They got three-bean salad up in there?
- 00:58
Dad ?
Mm-hmm.
- 00:59
Son
I ain't even see that.
- 01:00
Dad
You want some of mine?
- 01:03
Son ?
Yeah.
- 01:03
Dad
Okay. Open the hanger.
- 01:09
Son
What you doing? Nuh-uh. You don't do that. You don't feed me like a kid, man. I'm a grown-ass man.
- 01:18
Dad ?
Okay, yeah, sure. You got some schmutz right here.
- 01:20
Son
Hey, hey, hey, hey! On my face, nigga! You don't know to touch a grown man's face.
- 01:26
Dad
Yep, yep, that's right. I'm sorry, OK? You are a grown ass man.
- 01:30
Son
Hey, hey, hey! I don't need you to pat my back. I'm a grown ass man. What you doing?
- 01:36
Dad ?
I know you're a grown. I don't want to hear it anymore about grown ass man.
- 01:38
Son ?
That's what I am.
- 01:39
Dad ?
I don't want to hear me say that.
- 01:40
Son ?
Why you laughing? You're treating me like a kid.
- 01:43
Dad
This is not the place for this kind of a don't start acting over here.
- 01:47
Son
Because you're making me angry.
- 01:49
Dad
OK, then I need you to breathe a little bit. Can you breathe? You take a break. Just breathe.
- 01:54
Son
Don't tell me how to breathe.
- 01:56
Dad
No, nigga. I want a motherfucking inside voice up in this bitch. Don't be getting loud up around these white people.
- 02:02
Son
You treat me like a baby, but I'm not a baby.
- 02:04
Dad
Are you not a baby?
- 02:05
Son
I'm not a baby.
- 02:06
Dad
Who pee-peed yourself? Who has to pee-pee, huh?
- 02:08
Son ?
I'm a baby.
- 02:09
Dad
Did you pee-pee yourself?
- 02:10
Son
Just a little bit.
- 02:11
Dad
Okay, then let's go to the bathroom and change, okay?
- 02:14
Son
I don't want to change.
- 02:15
Dad
You gotta change.
- 02:16
Son
Get your hands off of me!
- 02:17
Dad
Is that how we behave?
- 02:19
Son ?
Yeah.
- 02:19
Dad
Is that how we behave?
- 02:21
Son
Stupid bitch!
- 02:27
Dad
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You a grown-ass man. You a grown-ass man. Who's a grown-ass man? You a grown-ass man, okay? You a grown-ass man, right? You know what grown-ass man do? You go to the bathroom and change your pants when you got to pee-pee, right?
- 02:42
Son ?
Yeah.
- 02:42
Dad
Okay, let's go. Excuse me, everybody. Um... I'm sorry, but my son got that Benjamin Buttons disease. Um, he's four.
- 02:54
Son
Four and three quarters.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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