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Bonding with a Kid
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
While his fiancée steps away from their park picnic to fetch juice boxes, Charles takes the chance to reassure her little boy, Zachary, that he is excited to join the family and will never spank him the way the boy was treated before. Zachary responds by slapping him across the face, then keeps doing it each time Charles tries to reason with him, switching between a defiant glare and a sweet innocent smile. Charles finally loses his temper and yells at the boy loud enough for nearby picnickers to stare. Zachary calmly applauds, drops the act and lays out his terms: Charles can marry his mother and move in as long as he keeps his distance until Zachary leaves home in eleven years, or the boy will break him. When his mother returns, Zachary throws his arms around Charles and gushes about how much he loves his new dad-to-be.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I'm the good guy.
I will respect you, Charles, if you play your role.
I'm a bad, bad boy, Charles.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Peter Atencio
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Comedy Central later re-released the sketch on the official Key & Peele YouTube channel in March 2020 under the title "Bonding with a Kid Shouldn't Be This Hard."
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Charles
It turns out it wasn't a ghost at all. It was my little sister hiding in the basement. She was going, ooh, making the noises the whole time, so.
- 00:12
Zachary's Mom
Shoot, Oh, shoot, I forgot his juice boxes. Oh. I will be right back. You'll be all right with Zachary?
- 00:24
Charles
I think so.
- 00:24
Zachary's Mom ?
OK.
- 00:29
Charles
So Zachary, you know I'm going to be marrying your mother. And I'm going to be moving in soon. And I just, I'm just so excited to spend more time with you. You know, I know that you had a hard time with your father. And Eddie spanked you. I just want you to know that's not going to happen with me. OK? And I promise I will never spank you. Oh. OK. That's OK. Um, I know why you did that. But I will never spank you, because I know that you still... Oh, that's...
- 01:29
Charles ?
Nah. Ha ha ha! Yow!
- 01:33
Charles
I don't know that there's anything I did to deserve that. Oh, hey, this... you You... Okay. I'm gonna be real with you. you can't go hitting people, all right? Oh, oh, oh, I ain't coming back for that fourth one. All right, so we done? We got that out of our system? Because I know that this, this isn't you. Oh, I told you you weren't gonna, oh, oh, oh, come on. This, oh, oh, oh, oh, guess you, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, what? Oh, that's unbelievable. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? I'm the good guy. I'm, I'm the good guy, man.'am? Look. Look, I'm never going to spank you. I'm not going to be like your father. I'm going to be your friend. you You need need to respect me, you understand? You little .
- 02:58
Zachary ?
I will.
- 03:10
Zachary
I will respect you, Charles, if you play your role. Now, listen up. I'm a bad, bad boy, Charles. I don't need a friend. So go ahead. Marry my mommy. Move in. her as hard as you want. Just leave me the alone. You do that, 11 years from now, I'll be out of the house, and we won't have any problems. You don't, and I will break you. Okay, Charles?
- 03:55
Zachary's Mom
How How are we doing?
- 04:02
Zachary
I love- him!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Key & Peele.
