You're tuned to the good stuff
Killing an African Warlord
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
With enemy forces closing in on the village, a decorated warlord refuses to surrender and commands his young soldier to kill him so he cannot be captured and tortured. Every attempt goes wrong: the soldier stabs him without hitting anything vital, shoots him in the knee to keep his face presentable for the funeral, stops mid-execution to swap insults, finds the gun empty, clubs him with a cooking pot and returns with boiling water. Battered and in agony, the warlord abandons his noble death, runs out of the hideout and gives himself up to the enemy while the soldier shouts after him.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I want you, my most trusted soldier over the age of eight, to take my life.
I thought you might want an open casket.
Did you just insult me as you were about to fire?
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Soldier
Commander Pujune, our forces have been devastated. The enemy is at the edge of the village. There are not many of us left. Should we surrender?
- 00:13
Warlord
You You may surrender, Jango, but I'm afraid that is a luxury I cannot afford. You have no idea what they do to warlords. If they capture me, they will torture me for weeks. There is no way to go. I want you, my most trusted soldier over the age of eight. To take my life. That is I my final order. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
- 00:55
Soldier
I was try- was trying to kill you sir.
- 00:58
Warlord
Not with this. There's a gun in the drawer AHHHAH! OHHHHH...
- 01:04
Soldier ?
So sorry, okay, I'm missing
- 01:05
Warlord ?
you missed every vital organ jingo
- 01:09
Soldier
Found it. All right.
- 01:11
Warlord
Now kill me jingo. Hurry, please
- 01:13
Soldier ?
What
- 01:15
Warlord
NOT IN THE N-
- 01:18
Soldier
in the name? I thought you might want an open casket.
- 01:21
Warlord
You are an idiot
- 01:24
Soldier
Don't say that I did try my best.
- 01:26
Warlord
Shoot me in the head you imbecile
- 01:32
Soldier
Goodbye, Commander. You sorry-ass piece of shit.
- 01:40
Warlord
Did you just insult me as you were about to fire?
- 01:44
Soldier
Oh, well, you had insulted me earlier. I thought you would be dead. Oh, so sorry. Gun
- 01:53
Warlord ?
Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop! Stop it! What the hell are you doing?
- 01:59
Soldier ?
is empty. Would you like I stab you again?
- 02:01
Warlord
No, no, no, please. Django, there are bullets. They are over there. Django, please help me. I am in agony, man! knee what the blazes man
- 02:15
Soldier
I thought I could kill you very quick by hitting you with that big cooking pot.
- 02:19
Warlord
Oh my god, would you please, I mean please get it over with.
- 02:21
Soldier
I did not find the bullets, but better, boiling hot water.
- 02:26
Warlord
What are you going to do with... I surrender! I am the General Dominic Bujune!
- 02:34
Soldier
Commander, don't go! They'll torture you!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Key & Peele.
