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Peter and Scott at the Gym
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At the Burnistoun Health Club, Peter finds his friend Scott working his inner thighs on a leg machine and urgently tells him to get off before anyone sees, because in his view it is a women's machine. Scott protests that he simply wants a full-body workout, but Peter launches into a crude theory that women use the machine to advertise their sexual availability, pointing to a man doing press-ups as proof that men have their own display. After the pair swap insults, Peter strides off to another machine and earnestly works out with his backside thrust in the air.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Get off that machine before anybody else sees you.
I'm wanting a total body workout.
You're a total brasser, by the way.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Robert Florence
Writer
Iain Connell
Writer
Iain Davidson
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
British Comedy Guide's synopsis for the first episode of Series 2 introduces this gym visit as the return of pals Peter and Scott for the show's second series.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Oh
- 00:06
Peter
Mate, get off that machine.
- 00:09
Scott
What?
- 00:10
Peter
Get off that machine before anybody else sees you.
- 00:12
Scott ?
How?
- 00:13
Peter
Cos it's for women. That machine, that's how.
- 00:16
Scott ?
What?
- 00:17
Peter
Mate, I have never seen a guy in that machine do my puff. Directing eye traffic to your boss like that. Embarrassing as gaffer.
- 00:25
Scott
Mate, the reason why you don't see guys on this is because all guys care about is having a big chest or big biceps. I'm wanting a total body workout.
- 00:34
Peter ?
A total fanny workout, Merlite. It's like opening your legs like you're inviting all the men into you.
- 00:38
Scott ?
Gaffer, fuck away.
- 00:40
Peter
Mate, that machine does nothing for your muscles. Lassies sit in that machine, they send out the signal to guys that they know what it's all about when it comes to opening their legs. Right? And see Fudge like him, right? They do press-ups so Lassies go, oh, he takes all his weight on his arms and goes up and down on his little beast until I've hit the tickly bit. Right? Guys be that. That lassie's got on this. It's a mating dance, mate. Now get off it.
- 01:07
Scott ?
Mate, where at?
- 01:08
Peter ?
Mate? You're a total brasser by the way. A total embarrassment.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Burnistoun.
