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Dracula Has a SeaChange
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In his candlelit castle, Count Dracula confides to his scribbling clerk that he is tired of Carpathia and of craving human blood, and longs to start again somewhere new. The clerk mentions that a little seaside community on Australia's east coast needs an assistant coach for its football club. To a sung send-up of the SeaChange theme, Dracula drives to the coast, swaps his castle for a caravan and turns up at training, still in his white wig and red silk gown, beside the club's coach. At the pub, the coach introduces him to Joanne, newly arrived from the city, and Dracula earnestly explains that he has turned away from evil. The locals soon decide that fitting in means humiliating him: they announce to the whole bar that he is a virgin, his own attempt at matey banter falls flat, and on their urging he drops his trousers beside the pool table, a display that only intrigues the women watching. In the closing scene he sits fishing on the rocks with a local who tells him he is a fish out of water.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I want to leave this place and escape my unspeakable past.
Don't say that. It's very hurtful and embarrassing to me.
That's what fitting in is all about.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Ted Emery
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Dracula's fishing companion is played by Kevin Harrington, who was a regular in SeaChange itself as caravan park manager Kevin Findlay.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:08
Dracula ?
Good evening.
- 00:10
Speaker 1 ?
What? What do you want?
- 00:13
Dracula
I am tired of Carpathia, of the life that I lead. Tired of the endless quest for human blood. I want to leave this place and escape my unspeakable past. To start afresh, to be reborn anew.
- 00:35
Speaker 1
Well, I don't know whether you'd be interested, But a small seaside community on the east coast of Australia are looking for someone to be assistant coach of the local footy club
- 00:46
Dracula ?
Perfect.
- 00:53
Dracula ?
Don't want to live in the Carpathian Mountains Gotta move down to the beach Sell my castle and move into a caravan That's the life for me, yeah Giving up my supernatural powers And the life of the undead To become an assistant football coach instead Oh Oh, I am the creature that's strange And I feel it's time for me To enjoy the sun for a change
- 01:23
Coach ?
No, Hey! Willow! punch from behind! He's always trying to take the specky. All right, that'll do it for tonight. OK. One more lap, boys! Except for you, Chucky, you've got a bum leg. Come on, hit the showers. Come on, buddy, good boy. You've done well. Come on, yeah. Fancy a beer, Dracula? Now you're talking. Want to look down the pub?
- 01:49
Dracula
No, thank you. The club has been very generous with me. They have given me my own particular mode of transportation.
- 01:56
Dracula ?
In the Carpathian Mountains Gotta move down to the...
- 02:02
There you go, Dracula. Get that into your car.
- 02:05
Coach ?
A packet of burger rings, thanks, Roy.
- 02:07
I've got chips for you, Dracula.
- 02:08
Dracula ?
OK, well, sour cream and chives flavour, please.
- 02:12
Cheers. Cheers.
- 02:14
Coach
Oh, Dracula. This is Joanne. Joanne, her and her mum have just come down from the city to escape the rat race.
- 02:21
Dracula
Charmed to meet you. Chip?
- 02:25
Joanne
You're quite the gentleman. Thanks, Dracula.
- 02:27
Dracula
Actually, Joanne, the name is pronounced Dracula.
- 02:31
Joanne
Dracula. Like West Coast Cooler.
- 02:35
Dracula
Yes.
- 02:36
Coach ?
The county has just moved to Zircon Bay as well.
- 02:40
Joanne ?
Really?
- 02:41
Dracula
Yes. I found that my unspeakable craving for human blood was destroying my undead soul. and that I knew that I could never be truly free of these earthly bonds until I had turned away from the evil that had tormented me to madness.
- 02:58
Coach ?
That and the fishing.
- 03:00
Dracula ?
Of course, my friend.
- 03:02
Joanne
I need a squirt. I'll just pop off to the dunny. It'll be a couple of sacks.
- 03:06
Dracula
I shall be counting both of them.
- 03:13
Okay, mongrel, it's your break. Thanks, Frank.
- 03:16
Coach ?
She's keen on you, Dracula. You're in.
- 03:19
Dracula ?
What do you mean?
- 03:20
Speaker 2 ?
What? You guys. No, she's hanging out for it. Absolutely guaranteed root.
- 03:27
Dracula
What's that?
- 03:29
Speaker 2 ?
You don't know what a root is?
- 03:30
Dracula
No.
- 03:31
Speaker 2 ?
Hey, everyone. Dracula, he is a virgin.
- 03:36
Dracula
Don't say that. It's very hurtful and embarrassing to me.
- 03:39
Speaker 2
That's the idea. That's what fitting in is all about.
- 03:43
Dracula
I see.
- 03:45
Dracula
Hey, everybody. Bazaar here used to be a vessel to a general in the Turkish army in the fifth dynasty. guess you had to be there
- 03:56
hey drag drop them
- 04:04
Who is that? I don't know. There's something about him.
- 04:10
Dracula ?
Come and dig me, Faye.
- 04:13
Dracula's Fishing Companion
you You take a fish out of water Canada just flails around helplessly and eventually it dies. You're a fish out of water here, but you have adapted, and you know what? I guess you haven't got gills.
- 04:34
Dracula ?
To enjoy the sun for a change.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from The Micallef P(r)ogram(me).
