Buddy Cole: Cemetery

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:04
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   you startled me it's It's not every day that an audience sneaks up on me in the middle of a cemetery just that about delivery humorous monologue

2. 00:21
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   I was just visiting with a friend of mine who recently passed on to that great disco upstairs his name was Charles Hammond Not these organ people, these organ people.

3. 00:38
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   Charles was, now, how do I put this without spooking the horses? He was a leather slut. He was one of those faggots that made respectable gays so uncomfortable.

4. 00:55
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   Buddy, he'd say, the world's so full of crap, why bother wiping your ass?

5. 01:00
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   we We both believed respectability is for five-star hotels not people although you will find me in the Michelin Guide

6. 01:12
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   Charles was a sexual courier de bois whereas I'm more of a Blanche de bois

7. 01:20
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   he was very handy he made all of his own S&M gear and even tapped his own rubber all on a waiter's salary, which is nothing after taxes and drugs.

8. 01:34
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   He once made a cock ring out of aluminum foil from cigarette packs, for heaven's sake. Of course, it played havoc with his trick's fillings.

9. 01:45
   

   Buddy Cole ?

   And at night, when his antenna was up and there were no clouds, he could pick up radio stations as far away as Amarillo, Texas.

10. 01:56
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    Well, you've got to listen to something when you're down there Charles cared about the people who fellated him

11. 02:04
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    he was also a trained blacksmith so his slaves always had fabulous shoes

12. 02:11
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    he was almost completely blind and very vain so he wouldn't wear glasses and he couldn't wear contacts because he had a severe case of astigmatism so when he went out cruising he was flying blind as it were

13. 02:27
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    i don't think he ever recovered the night he dragged home his brother from a bar his brother really should have said something

14. 02:37
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    near the end of his life he became very religious he claimed to have found biblical support for bondage yeah like every second page

15. 02:48
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    he claimed he would beat this thing and in a way he did he got hit by a bus on his way to the clinic

16. 02:55
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    it took the emergency crew two hours to pry his mustache off the grill

17. 03:00
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    this is it isn't it a beauty what do you think hmm

18. 03:07
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    he left it to me in his will because I admired it so much

19. 03:11
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    I would have preferred a cat, but a pet's a pet.

20. 03:17
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    Good night, sweet prince. Maybe it's better this way. I don't think you could handle what's going on.

21. 03:24
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    Get this. Fags are becoming respectable.

22. 03:29
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    Well, some of them are.

23. 03:32
    

    Buddy Cole ?

    Ha!