A deadpan sports broadcast covers an exhibition Shirling match between two four-person Scottish teams. Shirling is a fictional Gaelic sport in which players circle a live cobra in a rink-like arena, trying to avoid being sprayed with venom. The sketch parodies the conventions of sports broadcasting — enthusiastic announcers, crowd shots, player injuries, a medic on standby, and a sign reading "John 3:14" (a subtle snake reference). A first-time spectator keeps calling the sport "weird" and "strange," only to be corrected by his companion: "I think you mean INTENSE." The match culminates in carnage, a cry of "New snake, shirlers!" and a rousing "Let's shirl!"