Homeopathic A&E

A badly injured man is rushed down the corridor of an A&E department whose signs point to magnetic and scream therapy units. Dr Simon barks urgent orders in the style of a TV medical drama, but every remedy is homeopathic: arnica diluted further each time the case looks worse, monkshood and flower remedies, and coloured quartz for the patient's fading chakras. When he learns which car hit the man, Simon orders a sample of it to be diluted and shaken into a cure. A suited specialist reads the patient's palm and horoscope, decides his lifeline is too short, and the two try lengthening it with a pen. The patient dies anyway. Over drinks afterwards, Simon wonders aloud whether their remedies are strong enough, and the specialist reassures him that while they lose the seriously ill, they do very well out of the worried well, who leave with a bottle of water and a large bill. They celebrate with two more homeopathic lagers.