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Barry Crisp: Kids Rapids Ride
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Out walking by the river with his son James, a father stops at Barry Crisp's Kids Rapids Ride: a stack of rubber rings, a deckchair, a hand-painted sign and a plan to shove children off a bridge into the white water. Asked whether it is safe, Barry admits the only trial run used a football that was never seen again, and his reassurances keep coming out backwards. When the father asks about a safety certificate, Barry first argues that certificates prove nothing, then produces a homemade one vouching for his own competence. Satisfied, the father agrees, and Barry starts adding charges for the ride, the hire of an oar and a deposit on the ring in case it does not come back, before leading them down to the water.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
It's not a boomerang or a child.
I won't stay in business very long if it is.
You can make so-called certificates prove whatever you want.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
David Kerr
Director
Gareth Edwards
Producer
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The BBC's episode guide describes this as Barry promoting his Kids' Rapids Rides, with a call-back to the ride later in the same episode.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Barry's Punter
Oh, look, James, kids' rapids ride.
- 00:04
Barry's Punter ?
Hello, what's this, then?
- 00:06
Barry Crisp
Er, put the kid in the ring, send him down a rapid.
- 00:10
Barry's Punter
Oh, sounds exciting. Right, so you just put him in the ring and just literally...
- 00:14
Barry Crisp
Yeah, we just literally give him a shove off that bridge there and he goes down the stream.
- 00:19
Barry's Punter
Very exciting. Right. And it's all safe and everything? You've done it before?
- 00:24
Barry Crisp
Yeah. No. Well, actually, no. Well, no. We tested it on a football.
- 00:30
Barry's Punter
Right.
- 00:33
Barry Crisp ?
Not that one.
- 00:35
Barry's Punter ?
You sure?
- 00:36
Barry Crisp
Oh, yeah, cos the one we tested it on, we never saw again.
- 00:40
Barry's Punter
You never got it back?
- 00:41
Barry Crisp
Well, it's football, isn't it? It's not a boomerang or a child. I mean, it can't say it's lost.
- 00:48
Barry's Punter
Sorry, everything's... This is all fine, isn't it?
- 00:50
Barry Crisp
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's all fine. It's all fine. Of course it is. I mean, I won't stay in business very long if it is. I mean, I wouldn't have stayed in business very long if it wasn't.
- 01:00
Barry's Punter
I mean, you've got a safety certificate and everything.
- 01:01
Barry Crisp ?
you think? Listen, mate, you can make so-called certificates, prove whatever you want.
- 01:06
Barry's Punter
OK, but have you got one?
- 01:08
Barry Crisp
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You can make certificates, prove whatever you want. Look.
- 01:12
Barry's Punter ?
Royal Academy of Safe Rapid Rides certifies that Barry Crisp definitely knows what he's doing. Yeah, well, that all seems in order. Right, do you fancy a ride then, James?
- 01:26
Barry's Punter ?
Let's take that as a yes. OK, let's get that ring on. OK.
- 01:32
Barry Crisp
That's a fiver. And, uh, extra two quid hire of an oar.
- 01:37
Barry's Punter
Oh, really? Will he need one?
- 01:40
Barry Crisp
Well, I'd have thought so. Right. I mean, I'd want one, wouldn't you?
- 01:44
Barry's Punter
OK.
- 01:45
Barry Crisp
And, uh, three quid deposit on the ring.
- 01:48
Barry's Punter
Why?
- 01:50
Barry Crisp
Why? In case I don't get the ring back.
- 01:52
Barry's Punter
Is that likely?
- 01:53
Barry Crisp
Yeah. This way.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from That Mitchell and Webb Look.
