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Weekend Update: The Devil on the Death of Osama bin Laden
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Days after the killing of Osama bin Laden, Seth Meyers welcomes Jason Sudeikis's Devil to Weekend Update, but the usually chipper Prince of Darkness is in a funk. He explains that punishing his newest arrival is harder than it looks: a man who already lived walled in with a huge family and no internet is hard to make miserable, and Pakistan's summers make fire and brimstone old news. The Devil grumbles that bin Laden unsettles the other damned, resents a newcomer borrowing his old nickname for America, and has to explain that Hell is short on the promised virgins. He then admits they have temporarily lost track of him, sends Osama an on-air warning, and runs through his busy New York schedule before Meyers sends him off.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I mean, I may be the devil, but I'm not a monster.
You know what they call fire and brimstone in Pakistan? August!
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Jason Sudeikis's third appearance as The Devil, according to SNL Archives. The segment aired on the May 7, 2011 episode, less than a week after Osama bin Laden was killed.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Weekend Update anchor
Here to elaborate on this week's big story, please welcome The Devil.
- 00:06
The Devil ?
Hi. Hi.
- 00:14
Weekend Update anchor
Hey, The Devil. You don't seem like your usual upbeat self. I mean, didn't you hear? We got Bin Laden.
- 00:19
The Devil
Yeah. Yeah, you got Bin Laden. You know what that means, right? Now, I got Bin Laden.
- 00:27
Weekend Update anchor ?
So?
- 00:29
The Devil
So. So, you know how it's my job to make hell worse than anyone could ever imagine, all right? Well, he was already living in a walled-in compound with nine wives and 23 kids. Usually when people come to hell, the first thing I do is give them four wives and seven kids. But nine and 23, oof, my goodness, no! All right, and that place where he was staying in had no internet, okay? No internet at all. I mean, even in hell, we have dial-up. I mean, I may be the devil, but I'm not a monster.
- 01:06
Weekend Update anchor
Yeah, I mean, you know, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but, you know, why not just hit him with some fire and brimstone?
- 01:13
The Devil
All right. You know what they call fire and brimstone in Pakistan? August! I mean, this is a tough one, man.
- 01:20
Weekend Update anchor
Well, look, I mean, you're the devil.
- 01:22
The Devil ?
Yeah.
- 01:22
Weekend Update anchor
I'm sure you'll think of something.
- 01:26
The Devil
Thanks, bro. Man, it's so rare for people to be encouraging to me, you know? I kind of consider you a friend.
- 01:32
Weekend Update anchor
Oh, no, don't.
- 01:33
The Devil
No, I do.
- 01:33
Weekend Update anchor
No, don't.
- 01:34
The Devil ?
No, it's already happened. No. Set in stone.
- 01:35
Weekend Update anchor ?
I'm not.
- 01:36
The Devil
Any hell, you know, I just don't like the guy being there. He gives everyone the willies, you know? The other day, I even heard Jeffrey Dahmer say, not in my backyard. Yeah, and you know what? I don't like the way Bin Laden calls America the great Satan. Sorry, muchacho, all right? Copyright and trademark since, oh, I don't know, the beginning of time over here? Yo soy el diablo, comprendo? Major balls on that dude. Major balls. Oh, hey, and get this. Very first day, walks right up to me and goes, goes, okay, okay, where's my 72 virgins? Bro, this is hell, all right? It's not exactly crawling with virgins, all right? You takes what you gets around here.
- 02:15
Weekend Update anchor
well Well, you know, I'm sorry to hear it's not going well.
- 02:20
The Devil
That's not even the worst of it.
- 02:21
Weekend Update anchor
Oh, yeah? What do you mean?
- 02:22
The Devil
Well, this is awkward, but we can't find him.
- 02:27
Weekend Update anchor
You lost him?
- 02:28
The Devil
No, no, we lost track of him. Temporarily, I'm certain of it. But, yeah, I'm sure he'll, you know, pop up. And, hey, if you're Osama, you know, I will find you.
- 02:39
Weekend Update anchor
Wait, you think he's watching? You have TV in hell?
- 02:42
The Devil
Well, just NBC.
- 02:43
Weekend Update anchor ?
Oh.
- 02:45
The Devil ?
Hey, whatever happened to Outsourced?
- 02:47
Weekend Update anchor
All right, look, so...
- 02:47
The Devil ?
Not that thing!
- 02:48
Weekend Update anchor ?
Okay, yeah.
- 02:50
The Devil ?
I wanted a laugh riot.
- 02:51
Weekend Update anchor
All right, hold on. So what else is going on with you?
- 02:54
The Devil
Me? Well, you know, it's New York City, so I got to go sit on some shoulders down in the financial district. Let's see. Then I'm doing Queens. Got to make a cameo in some meth addict's hallucination. I'm teaching a seminar to the Pakistani intelligence agency called See Something, Don't Say Something. Let's say, then, of course, tomorrow, you know, I got to take my mom out to brunch. Speaking of hell, right?
- 03:17
Weekend Update anchor
Aw. Come on, that's nice. Who's your mom?
- 03:19
The Devil
The Snapple lady.
- 03:20
Weekend Update anchor
Oh. But she seems so nice.
- 03:23
The Devil
Oh, yeah, she is. No, she's super disappointed in moi.
- 03:26
Weekend Update anchor ?
Yeah. That makes sense. The devil, everybody. Uninvited bed bugs!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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