Weekend Update: Chris Parnell Sings to Jennifer Garner

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00
   

   Jimmy Fallon

   Here now with the breaking story is her own Chris Parnell.

2. 00:05
   

   Chris Parnell

   Thank you. Thanks, Jimmy. Thank you. Paul, well, as most of our viewers know, Jennifer Garner, our amazingly lovely and talented host this evening, is the star of Alias, on which she plays a globe-hopping CIA secret agent. Now, if you've ever wondered why she's so darn believable on the show, well, it's because she actually does work for the CIA. And as a matter of fact, so do I.

3. 00:28
   

   Jimmy Fallon

   Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. You're saying that you and Jennifer are secret agents?

4. 00:32
   

   Chris Parnell

   That's right. Also, she's my lover. and i want jennifer and the world to know that the love and adventure we share as we travel the world together on secret missions well it means everything to me so jen this is my valentine's gift to you go check it out this is the untold story of our secret lives how it all began in cairo ancient city that's where we met when i parachuted in from my private jet she was chilling by some ruins like cleopatra soaked in sweat she said the code words i want you i just said i'll I'll bet, ha, I'll bet you do, biatch. I'm Agent MCP, you must be Jennifer G. Wee-wee, said she, and damn, I like what I see. Let me take you for a ride by the Nile in my Humvee. Oh, you can take me for a ride, girl. So we cruised to the Pyramid of Khufu. She stopped the Jeep, removed her robe, and said, Come here, boo, I wasn't one to argue. Got up on her like Kudzu, glanced into the rear view, said, Baby, we got some company. It's time to do some kung fu. And if you ain't never seen this girl do kung fu, You ain't never seen it done right. Uh-uh. In Cairo, Istanbul, and Tokyo, she's my hoe. I'm her beau. Don't you know we got slow? And when we're not working, we jump onto my yacht and go. Drink Bordeaux, eat escargot. Just take it slow. Now back to the Pyramid of Khufu, where the mercenaries are about to attack. So wearing only a smile, she stepped into the sun and distracted the fools while I retrieved my gun. And sent a firestorm of bullets into everyone Till every merc was dead, cause they disrupted our fun Back in the Hummer, we got a little hardcore Then had to go and explore Quickly found a hidden artifact that we were there for Delivered the package in Alexandria that night Slept on my yacht, set sail, first light She says, boo, where should we go? Shorty, I don't know But as long as you with me, baby, I'm alright Jennifer G., as long as you with me MCP, everything is gonna be alright In Cairo, Istanbul, and Tokyo She's my hoe, I'm her beau Don't you know we got flow And when we're not workin' We jump onto my yacht and go Drink Bordeaux, eat escargot Just take it slow-o-o-o-o That's how we do it We take it slow-o-o-o-o You know you always be my bitch girl, yeah

5. 02:53
   

   Jennifer Garner

   Chris, have you Chris, have lost your mind?

6. 02:59

   Jennifer I'm really sorry about this Chris has a very active and creepy imagination

7. 03:04
   

   Jennifer Garner

   look for the record I met Chris Parnell five days ago we are not lovers we do not work for the CIA and we certainly don't travel the world in his yacht

8. 03:15
   

   Chris Parnell

   of course we don't it was just a joke sorry everyone

9. 03:19
   

   Jennifer Garner

   you're gonna completely blow our cup

10. 03:23
    

    Chris Parnell ?

    I said I was sorry

11. 03:24
    

    Jimmy Fallon

    Chris Parnell and Jennifer Garner, everybody. We're getting up, Kate. I'm Jimmy Fallon.

12. 03:28
    

    Tina Fey ?

    I'm Tina Fey. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

13. 03:56

    We'll be right back.