Sinbad Monologue: Dracula

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01

   Ladies and gentlemen, send back...

2. 00:03
   

   Himself

   Thank you very much for coming out to the concert this evening. There's a lot of love in the room. I can't believe I'm hosting Saturday Night Live. I'm on top of the world! I'm on top of the world! This is a dream come true for me.

3. 01:03
   

   Himself

   I've done a lot of things. Traveled the world, seen a lot of things. But hosting Saturday Night Live is a dream of every black child from the Urban Network. In the neighborhood, we grew up saying, one day, you'll see me on Saturday Night Live in front of the band.

4. 01:18
   

   Himself

   and now I've made it I have no other reason to live so I want to make a public announcement I'm quitting stand-up after tonight this is the last time you ever see Sinbad please I need the money now this is great man this is a good week to be on all the new movies out first of all see Malcolm X the movie is live the movie is live check it out you might need to take a couple days off from work to finish the movie but it's worthwhile it's a long movie but you won't even feel it man it's just such a good movie

5. 01:51
   

   Himself

   you sit there you like this and three hours go by you go by you realize your mouth is dried out you leave when you leave the movie you look bad the movies last so long you got chapped lips you gotta ask your arms you walk outside I need to get some to drink next time in the middle of the movie then I saw Dracula y'all see Dracula ain't no No way, if you saw the movie, that movie should've lasted five minutes.

6. 02:16
   

   Himself

   As soon as he pulled up to the crib, he should've said, no, you don't walk in a man's house got hair like that, it just don't work. Man had two big buns on top of his head, please. Looked like he had a butt on his head, didn't it make no sense?

7. 02:29
   

   Himself

   How you gonna go in this man's house like, hey, what's up, where do I sleep? No, no, don't even take my bag, leave it outside the door, I'm going home as soon as the next cab come through. And then I don't understand all these Dracula movies.

8. 02:40
   

   Himself

   You sit there, you're in the man's house, You're in the bedroom. Did you see him he came in the bedroom. He didn't walk in he floated in the room And my man didn't say nothing. He just said wow No, you hit the man when he does something like that and then he didn't have a reflection Think about it people if you had somebody's house you shaving with something sharp Dracula's behind you cut him off Cut the ponytail off do something you need something I'm sorry, and I'm not gonna be one of them people to go look for Dracula how do you find five people to

9. 03:12
   

   Himself

   look for black what five men if somebody walked into this room right now we need to go kill Dracula oh I got to go please I got to go I need something to do tonight and why do they always go kill Dracula at night go at 10 in the morning he sleep they wait to 515 Sun go down at 530 they're like y'all ready go kill Dracula they take them 10 minutes to get to the the house and then they got to look for the coffin I don't know where is that Sun going down in 30 seconds think we can find it don't take

10. 03:52
    

    Himself

    me with you because if I'm the dude that's supposed to be standing by the door to let you know when something wrong you just be standing there by yourself I ain't gonna die cuz when he's over the casket I'm his partner I'm like track it's a bunch of men here I'll give you up I ain't dying I'm sorry me and track gonna be like that Jack I'm serious I'm gonna take me to parties look all these girls I can hook you up.

11. 04:16
    

    Himself

    In New York, you'll fit in. They ain't gonna know nothing about you. Come on in the city, man. See, some places Dracula wouldn't fit in. You can't take him to, like, Detroit. You can't take him to Iowa. You can take him to New York, sit him in the middle of the street, fangs out.

12. 04:35
    

    Himself

    People go like, man, what's wrong with you? Didn't you see the sign that said, go walk? People ain't worried about Dracula. They got other problems in New York. They ain't worried about being bit. That might help you here. save some money on rent you can fly around during the day and night and I'm gonna tell you something else I ain't gonna lie I'm not no brave person a lot of men here would you know you always see some men in the Dracula movies and the Frankenstein movies fight that monster for his woman I ain't that guy I ain't gonna lie to you right now if

13. 05:03
    

    Himself

    I'm with you and you're my woman and we walking down the street and Dracula's chasing us you're a dead woman I'll trip you Jack Jack all right y'all we got a great show tonight Sade is here she's fine so stick around we'll be right back