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Weekend Update: Murder Map
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Gail Matthius hands Weekend Update over to crime forecaster Marv Peters, who steps up to a national murder map and reads off the day's killings city by city like temperature readings, treating Chicago's figure as a pleasant low and Detroit's as the usual record high. Switching to a map of New York City, he predicts a front of muggings sweeping down from the Bronx until a police front pushes it into the river overnight, scattered drug busts in Queens, a cheerful reading on the kidnapping index and a mild burglary outlook for the suburbs, then advises viewers to bundle up and keep a low profile until tomorrow.
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Highly quotable.
Chicago had the nation's low today of a mere 12 murders.
Overall, the kidnapping index reads a healthy 3.6.
So till tomorrow, dress heavily and stay out of sight.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Gilbert Gottfried was one of the repertory players Jean Doumanian hired for this 1980-81 season; Dick Ebersol let him go when he took over the show a few weeks after this episode aired.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Weekend Update anchor
And now, let's take a look at today's crime with our crime forecaster, Marv Peters. Marv.
- 00:07
Marv Peters
Well, I don't need to tell you we've had quite a day today, so let's get to our murder map and check the national figures. Chicago had the nation's low today of a mere 12 murders. Around the country, we see Boston, and that's 23, New York, 19, Philadelphia warmed up a little from yesterday with 37. And the nation's high once again was Detroit with a reading of 247. Transportation is still at a standstill while the roads are being cleared. Now let's take a look at the local crime forecast for tomorrow in a word bleak. a high-pressure front is moving down from the Bronx with a heavy mass of mugging by midday this high-pressure front should be met by a low-pressure police front which should push it into the river by about midnight in Queens partially scattered drug busts should occur and in Brooklyn there'll be light white flurries of rape. Overall, the kidnapping index reads a healthy 3.6. And finally, in the suburbs overnight, the forecasts call for mild breaking and entering with heavy bail by morning. So till tomorrow, dress heavily and stay out of sight.
- 01:40
Weekend Update anchor
Thank you, Marv.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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