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Right Slag
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Stephen and his wife rehearse an accepting response before their daughter joins them at the kitchen table. Her announcement takes an unexpected turn, leaving Stephen trying to adapt his vocabulary while his wife repeatedly corrects him. Their promise of unconditional support becomes a test of whether he can keep up with the conversation.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Just remember, we've got one chance
I'm happy with all that terminology.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Abigail Burdess
Writer
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Mum
Stephen, it's finally happening. She's asked for a word.
- 00:04
Stephen
Right. Yes. Did she say anything else?
- 00:08
Mum
That she had something important to tell us.
- 00:10
Stephen
OK, I'm ready. I'm getting ready.
- 00:15
Mum
Just remember, we've got one chance to do this right.
- 00:21
Mum ?
Oh, hello, love. Do you want to sit down?
- 00:28
Stephen
Your mum says you've got something on your mind.
- 00:31
Mum
It's OK, sweetie. Take your time.
- 00:33
Stephen
I'm letting her take her time.
- 00:35
Mum ?
All the time you need.
- 00:37
Daughter
For a while now, I wanted to tell you guys something, but something stopped me. Anyway, I just can't carry on not saying. I want you to know all of me.
- 00:45
Stephen
Well, we want to know you too, love, and we're ready to accept whatever... Whatever it is you want to tell us about your...
- 00:56
Mum
Sexuality.
- 00:56
Stephen ?
Right.
- 00:57
Mum ?
It's all right, love. You can say it.
- 01:00
Daughter
OK. Mum, Dad, Dad, I'm... I'm a right slag.
- 01:10
Mum
I just want to say thank you so much for trusting us enough to share that with us.
- 01:16
Daughter
Oh, God, that feels good to say aloud. It feels so much lighter.
- 01:21
Mum
Honestly, I think I've always known, since you were a little girl...
- 01:25
Daughter
That I was a right slag.
- 01:26
Mum
That you were a right slag.
- 01:28
Daughter
And you're not upset?
- 01:29
Mum
No, of course not. And your father's not upset either, are you, love?
- 01:34
Stephen
No, of course not. I accept and love you whatever. Whether or not you're a right slut.
- 01:43
Mum
Stephen!
- 01:43
Daughter
Dad, I knew you'd be like this.
- 01:45
Stephen
What have I said?
- 01:47
Mum
She's not a slut.
- 01:48
Daughter
I'm a slag, okay? A right slag.
- 01:51
Stephen
I'm sorry. I just want to make sure I've understood. Help me to understand. Stan, what exactly does being a right slag mean to you?
- 02:03
Daughter
Just that I really like it up me, right up. I don't know how else to say it. I'm a slag bag, a hoe bag. I'm over easy. I'm happy with all that terminology. Some people would call me the village bike.
- 02:15
Stephen
And you'd be OK with that?
- 02:17
Daughter
It's just who I am.
- 02:19
Mum
It's who she is, Steven.
- 02:20
Stephen
But you're not a slut.
- 02:21
Daughter
No, Dad. Dad, a slut gets stuff in return for sex. Money, a flat maybe. I give it away for free. I put it about a lot with anyone, anyone at all. I'm a slag. I gobble for Britain. And I'd like to know that you, my parents, support me as I do that. Is that so weird?
- 02:44
Stephen ?
I suppose not.
- 02:45
Mum ?
No, love.
- 02:46
Stephen
In fact, I'll tell you what. On your graduation day next summer, Me and your mum will be there in the audience watching you accept your certificate, your special scroll. And we'll be as proud as punch. And if a stranger sitting next to me says, is that your daughter? She looks like a right slag. Is she? I won't get angry. I won't hit him. I'll say, you're absolutely right. She really is a filthy whore.
- 03:19
Mum
Steven!
- 03:19
Stephen
What?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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