L.A. Valet

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:02

   From From

2. 00:03

   Speaker 1

   Stephen Bochco, the producer who brought you Hill Street Blues, L.A. Law, and NYPD Blue, comes the most gripping, controversial, hard-hitting, action-packed, intense, and refreshingly different new show this season.

3. 00:19
   

   Boss

   What are you lounging around in your sweet butts for? We got lunch rush!

4. 00:38

   Speaker 1

   Tonight on Average.

5. 00:51

   Speaker 1

   On a very special L.A. valet, tempers are in overdrive.

6. 00:55
   

   Boss

   All right, people, listen up. We got reports of missing cassettes, combs, and other items of personal haberdashery. She'll stop the madness I'll let you park some cars

7. 01:04
   

   Boss

   Be careful out there

8. 01:08

   Speaker 1

   With special guest star Lou Perry As Benny A special valet With a very special gift

9. 01:17

   Valet

   Got it, got it, got it, got it

10. 01:19

    Valet

    Just took up two spots

11. 01:20

    Valet

    What's going on, man?

12. 01:21

    Valet

    Hey, you saying I do sloppy work?

13. 01:23

    Valet

    My dad was a valet, Parker And his father before him

14. 01:28

    Valet

    This fest means something, ass fight

15. 01:29

    Valet

    Hey, man, I'm just trying to help, okay?

16. 01:31

    Valet

    It's my ass getting bitten out there, too

17. 01:33

    Valet

    Hey, don't tell me about ass fight

18. 01:35
    

    Boss

    Hey! If you're doing a buddy to his asses, you're doing your own time. It's high-octane relationships and full-throttle drama.

19. 01:45
    

    Boss

    Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you trying to do, grind coffee with that thing?

20. 01:50

    Valet

    I can't drive a stick.

21. 01:55

    Valet

    Jeez, Bobby. Why didn't you tell me sooner?

22. 02:00
    

    Female Valet

    I'll show you how. I'll show you how to drive a stick, Bobby.

23. 02:06

    Speaker 1

    And here's what the critics are saying. L.A. Valley takes the botch out of botch go.

24. 02:12
    

    Female Valet

    You can't keep doing this, Stan. You parked a town car in a space reserved for compacts.

25. 02:17

    Valet

    Ah, all the spaces are starting to look the same to me.

26. 02:20
    

    Female Valet

    Yeah, but what about your son?

27. 02:22

    Valet

    I have a son.

28. 02:24
    

    Female Valet

    Do we need to talk?

29. 02:26
    

    Female Valet

    They'll They'll take your vest away, Stan. Then you'll just be a drunk instead of a drunk with a vest, which means something.

30. 02:35

    Valet

    I have a son!

31. 02:43

    Speaker 1

    Finally, a valet show that deals with valets as people, not just valets.

32. 02:48

    Valet

    God, look at all these frickin' keys.

33. 02:51

    Valet

    Son of a muckin'.

34. 02:52

    Valet

    How will we find the cars?

35. 03:02
    

    Female Valet

    Fanny, what are you... Fanny.

36. 03:07

    Valet

    Chevy Impala, ashtray spoke. Big van, careful, let's put it in the back seat, no muzzle. Wish I knew colors. Porsche, leather interior. BMW, owner short. Volvo, sticky dashboard. Blue van, tires are low.

37. 03:20

    Speaker 1

    Stephen Bochco once again is not afraid to turn over the rock that exposes the festering maggots below the surface of valet parking.

38. 03:27
    

    Boss

    You are lousy valet, Gramovich. You're a disgrace to the uniform.

39. 03:31

    Valet

    Hey, man, give him a break. You've been riding him since surfing turf night.

40. 03:37

    Valet

    Thanks, partner. I want my car, you idiot.

41. 03:44

    Valet

    Right away, man.

42. 03:46

    Speaker 1

    You win, Bochco. How many shows can one guy put on the air? Hey, hey, hey, hey.

43. 03:50

    Speaker 1

    L.A. Valet, a mature show about mature subjects. If you're not mature enough to handle it, go f*** yourself.

44. 03:59

    Speaker 1

    Coming soon from Stephen Bochco. Here's a tip. Watch it.