Computer Says No

Tom Baker's narrator introduces a branch of the MidWest bank, where a young man sits at Carol Beer's desk asking to borrow two thousand pounds. Carol slowly keys in the request, studies her screen and passes on the computer's refusal in a flat drawl. He lowers the amount and then asks to see the manager, and each time she consults the keyboard and gives the same answer. When he asks whether anything at all can be done, she makes him wait while she types once more, repeats the verdict and ends the meeting by coughing straight into his face.

This bank sketch from the opening episode of the second series is the first Carol Beer sketch on television. Her refusal line, which gives the sketch its title, became a widely used British catchphrase for inflexible, system-driven customer service, and the character moved to the Sun-Searchers travel agency in series 3.