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Queen for Nine Days

Horrible Histories2011Season 3Episode 3
Horrible Histories
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A cheerful prize-giveaway pitch walks Lady Jane Grey through the perks of her nine-day reign, one ominously itemised day at a time.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

After Edward VI's early death leaves the throne up for grabs, a beaming courtier-presenter announces that anyone Protestant, vaguely related to Henry VIII and named Lady Jane Grey has won the star prize: the chance to be queen for nine days. Each day is unveiled like a package-holiday perk, from luxury apartments in the Tower of London and a free crown to a coronation where the crowd has no idea who she is. The extras quickly sour as Mary Tudor rejects Jane's letter, raises an army and wins the country over, while the presenter keeps urging the increasingly frazzled Jane to relax and enjoy the surroundings. On day nine her supporters abandon her and the offer ends, as promised, with a blindfolded trip to the executioner.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Then you've won our star prize, and you're going to experience what it's like to be queen for nine days.

I'll have you know, I'm so stressed, my skin is peeling off.

Warning, limited to nine days only, offer expires in 1553.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Although the closing caption says the offer expires in 1553, the real Jane Grey was deposed by Mary I on 19 July 1553 but was not executed until 12 February 1554.

ScriptEnglish · 31 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    When Henry VIII died, his son Edward VI came to power, aged just nine. But he died only six years later, and after that it wasn't clear who would take the throne.

  2. 00:12

    Presenter

    Are you Protestant? Are you vaguely related to Henry VIII? Is your name Lady Jane Grey? Then you've won our star prize, and you're going to experience what it's like to be queen for nine days.

  3. 00:25

    Lady Jane Grey

    Wow! That's nine whole days in charge of England.

  4. 00:28

    Presenter ?

    Wonderland! Here's what you'll get. Day one, we set you up in royal apartments at the Tower of London to await your coronation.

  5. 00:35

    Lady Jane Grey

    Ooh, this is nice. I could get used to this.

  6. 00:38

    Presenter

    I don't think so. Day two, we throw in a crown for free. Go on, try it on for size.

  7. 00:44

    Lady Jane Grey

    Okay, what harm can it do?

  8. 00:46

    Presenter

    You'll find that out on day nine.

  9. 00:48

    Lady Jane Grey

    Sorry?

  10. 00:49

    Presenter

    Nothing.

  11. 00:49

    Presenter

    Day three, it's coronation time. Now you're the Queen. You get to go out and meet your public. They don't even know who you are.

  12. 00:57

    Peasant ?

    We don't even know who she is they were expecting a different person to be Queen

  13. 01:00

    Speaker 1 ?

    We were expecting a different person to be Queen. They smell of we we smell it

  14. 01:06

    Presenter ?

    See what you're trying to do there

  15. 01:09

    Presenter

    Actually we do day four you have a letter sent to Henry VIII's daughter Mary Tudor asking her to recognize you as Queen

  16. 01:16

    Lady Jane Grey

    Fingers crossed

  17. 01:17

    Presenter

    day five you get Mary's reply. What does it say bog off?

  18. 01:22

    Lady Jane Grey

    What?

  19. 01:22

    Presenter

    Well, that's the gist of it. Day six, relax and take in the luxurious surroundings, while Mary Tudor amasses an army to have you removed from power.

  20. 01:32

    Lady Jane Grey

    What?

  21. 01:33

    Presenter

    Day seven, relax and take in the luxurious surroundings.

  22. 01:37

    Lady Jane Grey

    Like I could be any less relaxed.

  23. 01:39

    Speaker 2 ?

    Mom, our armies have been defeated in Cambridge by Mary Tudor. She says she's the queen now and she's marching on London.

  24. 01:46

    Lady Jane Grey

    Okay, so now I'm less relaxed.

  25. 01:48

    Presenter

    Day 8. Relax and take in the luxurious surroundings.

  26. 01:52

    Lady Jane Grey

    Enough of this relaxing nonsense, okay? I'll have you know, I'm so stressed, my skin is peeling off.

  27. 01:58

    Presenter

    Oh yuck, it's not very regal, is it? And Day 9. Relax and, oh alright then, panic, as the people support Mary Tudor as their rightful queen and all your supporters desert you to save their own skins. Too late for yours, it's all peeled off anyway.

  28. 02:13

    Lady Jane Grey

    Well this can't get any worse.

  29. 02:15

    Presenter

    Yes it can. And this fantastic offer ends in true judo style with a visit to the executioner.

  30. 02:20

    Lady Jane Grey

    I never wanted to be Queen in the first place.

  31. 02:23

    Presenter

    With Queen for nine days, the shortest reign in history is yours, whether you want it or not. Warning, limited to nine days only, offer expires in 1553.

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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