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I've Heard It

Burnistoun2011Season 2Episode 2
Burnistoun
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Desperate not to fake a laugh, an ambitious young employee keeps claiming he has already heard every one of his boss's terrible jokes.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Over a business dinner in a restaurant, a blond-haired boss praises his young employee Barry and starts one of his notoriously unfunny jokes. Barry's panicking inner voice knows he is hopeless at fake laughter, so he blurts out that he has heard it already, and keeps saying so as the boss fires off one absurd set-up after another. Suspecting a wind-up, the boss returns to the original joke, and Barry resorts to faking a heart attack and then pretending to die, leaving his grieving boss lamenting that he only wanted to make the lad laugh before remembering a joke he keeps for just such an occasion.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 2

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

This is the backup joke. This is going to be even worse.

Behind the scenes

The people who made it.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

British Comedy Guide's guide to Series 2, Episode 2 describes this sketch as an ambitious employee panicking when the Boss tells a joke that isn't funny.

ScriptEnglish · 38 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:01

    Boss

    I'm very impressed by your work at my very impressive company, Barry. You'll go far with us.

  2. 00:08

    Barry

    Thanks, sir. I hope so.

  3. 00:11

    Boss

    I like a boy with a bit of fire in his belly. And here I've got a cracker of a joke for you. There's this cannibal. He walks into a bookie's and he's got a goldfish...

  4. 00:20

    Barry

    Oh, God, not a joke. Everybody says his jokes are rotten. I'm the world's worst at pretending I think a joke is funny. Right, build up to a laugh. Act like you're enjoying it. Smile, for Christ's sake.

  5. 00:33

    Boss

    Are you all right, Barry?

  6. 00:36

    Barry

    It's just a wee bit of heartburn there.

  7. 00:40

    Boss

    You better watch your pen doesn't go on fire.

  8. 00:45

    Barry ?

    Shit! That was a wee joke. Do a wee practice laugh here. Worst laugh ever. You cannot let him get to the end of this joke. Say you've heard it.

  9. 00:58

    Barry

    I've heard it! I've heard it.

  10. 01:05

    Boss

    Oh, you've heard that one? Oh, but this one, right, there's this...

  11. 01:09

    Barry

    Oh, God, no. This is the backup joke. This is going to be even worse. Need to think of something. Can't he just say, I've heard it again? I've heard it!

  12. 01:21

    Boss

    Heard that one too. Try this one, then. There's this fella, he buys a speedboat, right, and his speedboat's full of crabs.

  13. 01:30

    Barry ?

    Right, you've reached the maximum with the I've heard it's. I've heard it! What are you doing? This is no worse than a bad fake laugh.

  14. 01:39

    Boss

    You've certainly heard a lot of jokes, Barry.

  15. 01:43

    Barry

    It's just working in an office, you know.

  16. 01:46

    Boss

    Well, I bet you've not heard this one. This wee fella, right, this parrot. Right, he's on a pogo stick.

  17. 01:52

    Barry

    Don't say you've heard it. Don't say you've heard it. I've heard it!

  18. 01:57

    Boss

    There's these two antelopes.

  19. 01:59

    Barry

    I've heard it.

  20. 02:00

    Boss

    There's this pharaoh.

  21. 02:01

    Barry

    I've heard it.

  22. 02:02

    Boss

    There's an Irish swan.

  23. 02:04

    Barry

    I've heard it.

  24. 02:05

    Boss

    There's a...

  25. 02:05

    Barry

    I've heard!

  26. 02:08

    What got

  27. 02:17

    Boss

    Did Tony O'Hare put you up to this?

  28. 02:20

    Barry ?

    Nod.

  29. 02:22

    Boss

    I knew it! I knew this would be a wind-up! Right, OK, you're lucky I've got a sense of humour, son. Let's go back to that original joke.

  30. 02:29

    Barry ?

    Fake a heart attack.

  31. 02:39

    Boss

    Son. No, no, no. No, no, no. Son, stay with me.

  32. 02:44

    Barry ?

    It worked.

  33. 02:45

    Boss

    Stay with me. And I'll tell you the rest of this joke

  34. 02:47

    Barry ?

    Pretend to die Pretend to actually die It's the only way

  35. 02:55

    Boss

    No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no What I no, no! All I lived for was to make this boy laugh

  36. 03:05

    Barry ?

    Too late, I'm dead

  37. 03:09

    Boss

    I've actually got a joke just for occasions like this There's a crisp and a nut

  38. 03:14

    Barry ?

    I've held it

The rabbit hole continues

One more couldn’t hurt.

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