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Drinks per week
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Standing in her laundry room, a woman nervously confides that stress has her drinking more than usual and asks for a professional opinion on whether her weekly intake is normal. The expert turns out to be a neighbourhood bottle picker collecting her empties at the back door, and he reassures her that her bin is perfectly average for the street, unlike a house a few doors down that he credits with covering his rent. Her relief is short-lived: he moves on to judging the boxed wine she buys, which is labelled with nothing but its colour, and pities her taste. When she hands over a bin of cans and bottles and blames them on her husband, he asks whether she is married, and she has to admit she is not.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Well, I wouldn't go that far. You have a below-average taste in wine.
This box just says white.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Paul Bates, who plays the bottle picker, is credited with a second part, a boyfriend, elsewhere in the same episode.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Homeowner
Um, you know, things have been pretty stressful lately and I've been drinking more than I usually do. I mean, I don't think I have a problem or anything like that, um, but I just was a bit worried and I wondered, in your professional opinion, if it falls within the normal range of, you know, drinks per week.
- 00:16
Bottle Picker
As a bottle picker? Yeah, you're fine. Like, I would say statistically average for the neighborhood.
- 00:22
Homeowner
Oh, phew!
- 00:24
Bottle Picker
Now, number 24 down the street? I'd pay my rent from that bin.
- 00:29
Bottle Picker ?
So, um, are we done here? Do you mind?
- 00:31
Homeowner ?
Sorry. Um, thank you for your trouble.
- 00:34
Bottle Picker ?
Thank you.
- 00:35
Homeowner
Relieved to be normal.
- 00:36
Bottle Picker
Well, I wouldn't go that far. You have a below-average taste in wine.
- 00:40
Homeowner
Excuse me?
- 00:40
Bottle Picker
This box just says white.
- 00:44
Homeowner ?
Um...
- 00:45
Bottle Picker
Like I'm... I'm sad for you.
- 00:47
Homeowner ?
Yeah.
- 00:48
Bottle Picker
Here you go. I don't need it because that does not give me a cent.
- 00:52
Homeowner
Some beer cans and bottles in there.
- 00:54
Bottle Picker ?
Oh yeah, lots.
- 00:55
Homeowner
Yeah, those are my husband's.
- 00:56
Bottle Picker
Are you married?
- 00:57
Homeowner
I am not.
- 00:57
Bottle Picker
Okay.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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