ASMR Boss

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00
   

   Manager

   So any employees wishing to be bumped up to the $15 an hour pay grade must volunteer to work for 65 hours a week. However, they will only be paid for 40 of those hours. Also, all medical benefits have been cut.

2. 00:17
   

   Jennifer Whalen ?

   Oh my God.

3. 00:18
   

   Jennifer Whalen

   I know, right? That is so soothing. What? Let's listen again.

4. 00:22
   

   Meredith MacNeill

   What are you guys talking about? She's forcing us to work overtime with no actual pay increase. She's taking away our benefits. This is terrible.

5. 00:30
   

   Jennifer Whalen ?

   Is it?

6. 00:30
   

   Meredith MacNeill ?

   Yes.

7. 00:31
   

   Carolyn Taylor ?

   I mean, I don't know. I'm just so into, like, listening to her voice and stuff. It sounds so good that I don't really, uh... I don't really listen to what she says.

8. 00:37
   

   Meredith MacNeill

   You're not listening to what she's saying.

9. 00:38
   

   Carolyn Taylor ?

   No, I'm just listening to the sound of a voice.

10. 00:40
    

    Meredith MacNeill

    You're listening to the sound of a voice.

11. 00:41

    Yes. Yeah.

12. 00:41
    

    Meredith MacNeill

    Do you not see that she's screwing us?

13. 00:43

    Ah!

14. 00:44
    

    Manager

    Hey, guys. I'm so glad to find you all gathered here today. We're implementing a new security system, so I just wanted to bring it by in the box and maybe take it out of the box and show you what's involved. so I've already cut the tape here so let's just open the box so as you can see they have these penis and they really cushion the contents so what we're gonna start with is the camera so this camera is going to go on top of your workstation and it will record every word that you say and every keystroke that you type and this is actually capable of sensing your heartbeat so we'll actually be able to tell what emotion you're experiencing and any employee is having a less than optimal mood experience what we're going to give you is this bracelet and you will receive a serotonin injection automatic on a packing penis and these will also take records of your dna so that we can get a comprehensive picture of your dna history and and i've got a third one here for you there we go you're just gonna raise up your wrist raise it up that's right and again we just I just want to go right here, across the wrist here. Okay, so those are all attached. Any questions?

15. 02:37
    

    Meredith MacNeill ?

    Yeah, yeah, I do. I actually have a few questions, really.

16. 02:42
    

    Meredith MacNeill ?

    It's good to be me.

17. 02:44
    

    Manager

    That's really great, guys. Thank you. Thank you so much for your attention. And I'll see you guys later.

18. 02:49

    See you. Thank you.

19. 02:55
    

    Meredith MacNeill ?

    Wait a second, wait, did we just, did we just sign away our privacy? Did that just happen? Oh my gosh.

20. 03:02
    

    Carolyn Taylor

    Don't worry about it. I recorded everything she said.

21. 03:04
    

    Meredith MacNeill

    What?

22. 03:05
    

    Carolyn Taylor

    You can listen to it right now.

23. 03:06
    

    Manager

    So this camera is going to go on top of your workstation, and it will record...

24. 03:11

    Hey.

25. 03:12
    

    Manager

    ...every word that you say and every keystroke that you type.