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Most Probably Not Haunted

The Keith Lemon Sketch Show2016Season 2Episode 6
The Keith Lemon Sketch Show
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Keith Lemon fronts a ghost-hunting pilot meant to prove spirits aren't real, until Kelly Brook starts floating.

Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube

Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

Billed as the only footage recovered from an unaired pilot, this Most Haunted send-up has Keith Lemon promising viewers he will prove ghosts don't exist while touring a 17th-century house with real-life ghost hunter Yvette Fielding and Kelly Brook. Keith blames every creak on Yvette or the crew and waves ghosts off as cartoons, but in the night-vision gloom Kelly goes missing, is found crouched in a corner, then rises into the air, possessed and hurling foul-mouthed threats. A panicking Keith grabs a crossbow, and the tape ends with a shaky outdoor sign-off interrupted by Kelly and a card noting the show was never commissioned.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 3

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Welcome to Most Probably Not Haunted, the show in which I prove to you, the viewer, that there is no such things as ghosts.

Casper the Friendly Ghost is a cartoon.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Yvette Fielding, who plays herself here, co-created and presented Most Haunted, the paranormal reality series being parodied.

ScriptEnglish · 12 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:10

    Keith Lemon

    Hello, I'm Keith Lemon and welcome to most probably not haunted the show in which I prove to you the viewer that there is no such things as ghosts

  2. 00:19

    Yvette Fielding ?

    Now this house is famous during the 17th century

  3. 00:25

    Keith Lemon ?

    I've seen that on a program, I know it's you clicking.

  4. 00:27

    Yvette Fielding ?

    I'm not clicking anything.

  5. 00:28

    Keith Lemon ?

    Well, it's one of the crew then Casper the friendly ghost is a cartoon And I like the ghost program you do it.

  6. 00:38

    Do it.

  7. 00:44

    Keith Lemon ?

    Kelly! Kelly, where art thou? What's up with you? You're just a Pussy I don't know why she's so committed to it. You got a big mortgage? That's Kelly. Kelly! Kelly, what are you doing, man? Why are you sat in the corner like that? Kelly, what are you doing? You're getting- You're getting hysterical, you need to calm down. Right. Oh, fuck! Kelly's fucking floating! She still looks fit but far fucked up.

  8. 01:23

    Kelly Brook ?

    Fuck me!

  9. 01:24

    Keith Lemon ?

    Now she's saying fuck me, which is confusing. Come down, Kelly, and I'll fuck you!

  10. 01:30

    Kelly Brook ?

    Fuck you! I'll fuck you! You're all going to die.

  11. 01:36

    Keith Lemon ?

    Fucking you, crossbow John! Fucking killer. I've seen it in film. The spirit won't come out of the hole. Is that where he's going? I'm sure he's ticked, man! Oh, fuck! Kelly's in a bit of a... They might have killed Kelly Brock. And if I don't see you for a week, I'll see you through a window.

  12. 01:55

    Are you prepared to change your appearance in order to secure employment? I would if I could, but you see this? It's permanent. And I should mention, I shit chicken nuggets. Oh my god! Professor my god! Green, I'm so sorry!