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Horror Monsters Retirement

Not Necessarily the News1986Season 5Episode 4
Not Necessarily the NewsNNTN
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

Helen St. Thomas takes tea on the lawn of a Hollywood retirement home with two faded horror legends: the Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster.

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The premise

Here’s the bit.

Reporting from a motion-picture and television retirement home in Woodland Hills, correspondent Helen St. Thomas interviews the Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster over a garden tea. The talkative Wolfman reminisces about the pioneering early days, complains that a hit leaves you typecast, and casually reveals that their old colleague the Mummy died without anyone noticing for more than a week. When Helen asks what they make of modern horror films such as A Nightmare on Elm Street, the question sets off anguished screams, and the Wolfman lectures her that their pictures only hinted at horror and left the rest to the imagination. Frankenstein then lumbers out of his chair and staggers around the lawn while a nurse rushes over and residents scatter, and Helen calmly signs off.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

He was the oldest guy in here, and it was over a week before anybody knew he was dead.

We only suggested what was horrible. The rest was in your imagination.

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

This segment aired in the November 7, 1987 episode "Inside Entertainment", whose writing staff included Conan O'Brien and Greg Daniels.

ScriptEnglish · 15 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:00

    Helen St. Thomas

    I'm standing in front of the world-famous motion-picture-and-television retirement home in Woodland Hills, California. It's here where the famous and the not-so-famous actors and directors come to enjoy their golden years.

  2. 00:16

    The Wolfman

    Sure, we were pioneers. But back then, it was mostly a job. Back when jobs were hard to come by. Right, Frank? when You're you're a hit. Everybody wants you. It's a here-woofy and nice-woofy, but by then, by then you're typecast.

  3. 00:42

    Helen St. Thomas

    Oh, well, but nevertheless, you two have worked with some of the true greats.

  4. 00:47

    The Wolfman ?

    Oh, yes. Turin Bay, Zazu Pits, Aquaman oh yeah man Ramseys.

  5. 01:01

    Helen St. Thomas ?

    Oh, Ramseys. Now, he was the mummy, right?

  6. 01:06

    The Wolfman ?

    Yes.

  7. 01:07

    Helen St. Thomas

    Now, what ever happened to the mummy?

  8. 01:10

    The Wolfman

    he's dead the mummy's dead

  9. 01:14

    Helen St. Thomas ?

    oh i'm sorry i'm very sorry

  10. 01:16

    The Wolfman

    he was the oldest guy in here and uh it was over a week before anybody knew he was dead

  11. 01:21

    Helen St. Thomas

    oh well um let's change the subject shall we um what do you two think of today's new crop of horror movies films like nightmare on elm street what

  12. 01:38

    AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

  13. 01:40

    The Wolfman

    we did was art you know we we only suggested what was horrible the rest was in your imagination but what you get today is disgusting and there's the difference

  14. 02:01

    Nurse ?

    That's going to have to be all for today, friends. He's getting upset. He has high blood pressure.

  15. 02:07

    Helen St. Thomas ?

    that's quite all right we understand chatty workmanship i've been talking to the wolfman and frankenstein legends indeed