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Real Veal
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At a rodeo arena, down-and-out robot boxer Charlie Kenton bets Ricky that his old robot can beat a cow, and the cow tears it apart. His son Max talks him into training the animal instead, so they bolt boxing gear onto it, pit it against a C-3PO bought from desert Jawas, and send the armored “Real Veal” through a string of famous movie robots. In the title fight against Bumblebee, Charlie’s ringside shadowboxing lesson backfires when the cow copies everything he does, and newspaper headlines show it landing a Wolverine role and a Tony Awards hosting job. When the bout ends with their champion in pieces and Charlie’s whole bankroll lost to Ricky, the family settles on grilling him for dinner.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Do you really care or do you just like yelling?
Are you kidding me? He doesn't have any talent. Did you see the last Transformers movie?
Or we can grill him up and eat for a month.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:17
Charlie Kenton ?
Okay, son, this old robot of mine is going to start making us some money.
- 00:21
Max Kenton ?
By selling it for parts to the local hospital?
- 00:24
Charlie Kenton ?
No, by fighting that cow.
- 00:26
Ricky ?
Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Charlie here just bet me his last dime that his robot can beat this cow. Shall we see what he's got? Do you really care or do you just like yelling? Okay, then. Thank Thank you.
- 00:51
Max Kenton ?
Did you see those moves? That thing's got potential. We've got to fix it up and get it a championship fight.
- 00:57
Charlie Kenton ?
He's broken, kid. It's over.
- 00:58
Max Kenton ?
Not him. The cow!
- 01:02
Charlie Kenton ?
I don't think this is such a good idea.
- 01:09
Max Kenton ?
Come on. You used to be a boxer. Show him some of your moves.
- 01:13
Charlie Kenton ?
Okay, those jokes end here. But you may be right. We can start small. Get him a few local fights. Add a few more robot parts.
- 01:19
Max Kenton ?
Where do we find those?
- 01:22
Charlie Kenton ?
What I need is a robot that understands the binary function of moisture evaporators.
- 01:26
C-3PO ?
Sir, my first job was programming binary load lifters, very similar to your evaporators.
- 01:30
Charlie Kenton ?
Can you speak Bocce?
- 01:31
C-3PO ?
Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language to me.
- 01:33
Charlie Kenton ?
Alright, shut up. We'll fight this one.
- 01:35
C-3PO ?
Wait, what? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. This is another fine mess I've gotten myself into. Couldn't we discuss this over an oil bath instead? I'm doomed.
- 01:51
The winner!
- 01:52
Charlie Kenton ?
Son, we're on our way.
- 01:57
son Son, the crowd loves you.
- 02:24
Charlie Kenton ?
the crowd loves real veal and we just got offered a championship fight we are rolling in
- 02:29
Max Kenton ?
money
- 02:30
Charlie Kenton ?
no poop grab a shovel i think we've been feeding him too much
- 02:34
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the main event of the night a championship bout between the bovine brawler real veal and the reigning robot champion bumblebee
- 02:46
Charlie Kenton ?
This This guy looks tough, Max. I'm a little worried.
- 02:51
Max Kenton ?
Are you kidding me? He doesn't have any talent. Did you see the last Transformers movie?
- 02:56
Charlie Kenton ?
Good point. I'll bet you everything I have that Real Veal beats Bumblebee.
- 03:01
Ricky ?
You got it.
- 03:04
Max Kenton ?
Boozing, Dad. He needs your help. Show him your moves.
- 03:07
Charlie Kenton ?
Real Veal, listen to me. I want you to do everything I do. What the... I meant everything I do from this point on. Now watch me.
- 03:34
Max Kenton ?
What a sh- What a shame.
- 03:37
Charlie Kenton ?
I know, but Tony's got their best ratings ever with him as host.
- 03:40
Max Kenton ?
Can we rebuild him, Dad?
- 03:42
Charlie Kenton ?
Son, I don't care how long it takes. We will rebuild him bigger and better than he ever was.
- 03:47
Ricky ?
Uh, just a reminder that you bet me everything you had, so, uh, you guys are broke.
- 03:51
Charlie Kenton ?
Or we can grill him up and eat for a month.
- 03:54
Max Kenton ?
Done.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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