Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: The Slip and Fall
A smooth-talking caveman lawyer named Keyrock uses his primitive origins to bamboozle juries — while secretly driving a BMW and vacationing on Martha's Vineyard.
Phil Hartman • Cast
The Judge
Siobhan Fallon Hogan • Cast
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me!
But there is one thing I do know — we must do everything in our power to lower the capital gains tax.
Sometimes when I see a solar eclipse, like the one I went to last year in Hawaii, I think, 'Oh no! Is the moon eating the sun?' I don't know. Because I'm a caveman — that's the way I think.
I'm sorry, Your Honor, I was distracted by the tiny people in this magic box.
Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to... get out of my BMW... and run off into the hills... or whatever.
A caveman known as Keyrock fell into a glacial crevasse 100,000 years ago and was preserved until scientists thawed him out in 1988. He then attended Oklahoma City University School of Law and became a defense/personal-injury attorney. In this first sketch, Keyrock delivers a closing argument in a slip-and-fall case, playing up his caveman confusion ("Your world frightens and confuses me") to manipulate the jury, while casually dropping references to his Martha's Vineyard home and courtside Knicks tickets. He wins the case, but is immediately distracted by a Knicks game on his tiny portable TV and misses the verdict the first time. The sketch is framed as a parody TV show with absurd fake sponsors including "Happy Fun Ball" and "Dog Assassin." A preview segment at the end shows Keyrock accepting a U.S. Senate nomination and pivoting to his real goal: lowering the capital gains tax.
Character name is "Keyrock" per Wikipedia and fan sources (some sources cite "Cirroc" — Keyrock is more commonly cited). Character created by Jack Handey, who also wrote SNL 'Deep Thoughts' segments and the Happy Fun Ball commercial parody. The sketch parodies the "simple country lawyer" TV genre (e.g., Matlock), subverting it by making the hero a cynical yuppie. Lorne Michaels was reportedly not initially a fan but it became one of SNL's most beloved recurring bits. The character returned in Season 17 (John Goodman ep), Season 18 (Harvey Keitel ep — mostly in Spanish), and Season 21 (Hartman hosted, with Will Ferrell). Phil Hartman was killed in 1998; widely considered one of his greatest SNL legacies. Bill Hader named this his all-time favorite SNL sketch; Kenan Thompson also listed it as a top pick.
| Person | Role | |
|---|---|---|
| Jack Handey | Writer | |
| Lorne Michaels | Producer |