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Salty Ham

The Kids in the Hall (1989) Episode 3
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See more Fran and Gordon
A husband's late-night craving for water leads to a marital meltdown over a "salty bloody ham."
Marriage
Bedroom
Absurdist

It's that salty bloody ham!
A man works all day, he expects a normal ham meal, not Goddamn bastard brine!
Did you drop it in salt on the way home, perhaps?
I know that ham isn't porridge, or toast, or a pear. Jesus Christ!
You come from a long line of horrible cooks. Your old lady's a horrible cook!
She would boil a Pop-Tart, where as you--you would salt fish from the Dead Sea!
I'm gonna get a big pussy boil right on my neck! Is that what you want in bed with you? A big pus boil shooting salt over your good bed linens.
I work hard all day, I expect a normal ham meal, not, not--Voodoo pork!
As of today, we are a pork-free household. I have spoken!
I am tired; I am salty; I require silence.
Ahh, you old soldier.

In the middle of the night, Gordon wakes up his wife Fran to complain that the ham she served for dinner was too salty, preventing him from sleeping. This sparks a surreal and hilarious argument about her cooking, their families, and the banishment of all pork from their household.

PersonRole
Robert BoydDirector
Jack BudgellDirector
Dave FoleyDave FoleyWriter
Bruce McCullochWriter
Mark McKinneyWriter
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